– by Birgitte Coste, September 2020
Our little baby, Good Conscious Life, which you are now visiting for its birthday, is today about a year old plus a few months. And as most people know, the first year of a small child’s life is full of intense development. We also experience this to be the case with Good Conscious Life.
So, like any other baby, Good Conscious Life is something special. Especially, of course, for Søren and me, that’s obvious. But Good Conscious Life is also special or different because we have chosen a slightly different starting path than most entrepreneurs. We have not thought about how we can best start our own business. We have thought about how we can live the best, most satisfying, authentic life possible.
Read more about this slightly unconventional starting path in this blog post. It might just inspire you too. 😊
Starting Up Your Own Business with Uncompromising Authenticity – Is It Possible?
So how did we choose to start up?
Well, as mentioned above, we probably did things a little differently than most entrepreneurs, as we’ve more or less chosen to move forward with blinders on. We’ve chosen to completely disregard market needs, niche potential, and finances. We’ve decided to not care about anything in the outside world and to focus solely on ourselves.
Yes, we’ve chosen to be totally selfish. We’ve chosen to be 100% driven by desire and only do what we wanted to do (and not what one “should” or what would be “sensible” in a more traditional business context)!
For instance, we deliberately decided that whatever we embarked on had to be fun for us. It had to bring us joy. Moreover, it was important for us to be playful and experimental in our approach. And last, but certainly not least, whatever we did had to be “right”!
By “right,” I mean that what we created had to be 100% authentically us, without compromise. Without concern for “where” the money is or how much should come in. Without regard for how, for example, sessions and events are traditionally conducted. Without worrying about what we think people / our clients want.
Yep, that too – we didn’t care about customer expectations either.
So absolutely wrong in the traditional sense of starting up your own business.
But why? What has being so “unconcerned” with everything but ourselves given us?
When We Stopped Caring, We Found Pure Desire and Amazing Ideas Came More Easily
We all grow up in a culture with various norms and rules and in a family with different traditions and expectations. This has – whether we admit it or not – given us a mindset that influences almost everything we do, including starting our own business.
For me (and for Søren, for that matter), these norms, traditions, and expectations were limiting. Unfortunately, that’s often the case (though not always).
So how did I / we move forward from here?
Well, we chose to stop caring about all these rules and norms, realizing that it was the only way we could get to where we truly wanted to be.
1) The More You Stop Caring, the Easier It Becomes to Be Authentic and Find Your Pure Desire
Yes, it sounds strange, but it has actually been really, really hard for us, and perhaps especially for me, to figure out, “What do I really want to do?”, “What would be really nice?”, “What is it I’m doing when I feel my absolute best?”.
And why was it hard? Well, there are several reasons, and they basically all boil down to the fact that it’s been difficult for me to be authentic – to be true to what I felt was right for me. It has been really hard for me to feel okay with not wanting or acting on all the things expected of me.
For example, I have an extensive academic education as an anthropologist, and in society, my family, and, most importantly, within myself, there are cultural and social expectations that I should be successful in the traditional sense: I should use my education for a respected academic job and earn a good, solid salary. Moreover, I should be grateful that I can get a job where others will pay me a neat sum each month (to follow their orders and help them realize their dream).
Because of these social and cultural beliefs, it took me many years, culminating in a crisis where my body was a biochemical mess, and I felt absolutely terrible, before I stopped caring enough. Before I said:
“Life is simply too short, so now I’m going to try something else. And what could that be? Well, I think it’s amazing to talk and play with people. I love gaining insights and helping others understand themselves and the world. I love seeing people flourish. I need to find ways for that to come to life.”
2) The More You Stop Caring About Rules and Expectations, the More Open Your Mindset Becomes, Leading to More Knowledge and Ideas
Being indifferent to “shoulds” – that is, rationality, norms, traditions, and expectations – while also being open and playful, is crucial for paving the way for creativity, intuition, and development.
Søren and I have found that our indifference has allowed us to experiment with many things that we wouldn’t have had knowledge about or experience with if we had stuck to a more traditional business approach.
Something happens in the brain when you say, “I don’t care”. When you don’t care, everything is equal (one thing doesn’t seem better than another), and you have no fixed opinions. The effect of this state (which might initially seem a bit negative) is actually incredibly positive.
You open up. The world now has the opportunity to present itself to you without being judged in advance, which means you are less likely to miss out on a good opportunity.
When we are open, we simply see more without filtering stuff out. We associate better, and we generate ideas more quickly and effectively. Ideas that are not constrained by a narrow mindset.
When we are closed, which often happens when we are in survival mode influenced by fear, we typically only see what can bring comfort and security … not what can bring us deep meaning and joy.
That’s why Søren and I have chosen to keep our mindset completely open throughout this process, creating the best conditions for us to pick up exciting opportunities and insights here and there.
So, even though I mentioned that we started with blinders on, focusing only on ourselves and deliberately choosing to disregard norms and traditions, paradoxically, those blinders allowed us to see more. The world became bigger. The opportunities multiplied. And our choices became better, more right for us.
Why have openness, indifference, and authenticity become so important to us? Well, we’ve suffered setbacks every single time we didn’t prioritize these values.
The Focus on Money and the Market Led to Failures … Every Single Time!
We’ve actually tried starting our own business together before, several times, in fact. The entrepreneurial adventure is not new to us. And every time, one of the first things we looked at was where the money was and then how we could fit into the market (adapt) with our unique skills.
In hindsight, this approach clearly didn’t work. It just didn’t suit us. It works for some (maybe), but for us, it always turned out wrong. The focus ended up being on finances and market needs, which did not motivate us at all. And YET, we did it again and again. We were so brainwashed (and still are, if we’re not extremely attentive).
The last time we launched an entrepreneurial venture, we actually thought we were finally on the right track because we would finally use our unique combination of intuition, understanding of people, empathy, creativity, and intellect. But once again, we ended up thinking about “what is the target audience” and “where is the money”? Our special interests and what we actually wanted to do were forgotten, even though we started out intending to do something that was truly us.
This means that even though we focused on being ourselves, we still tricked ourselves into focusing on what was traditionally seen as “sensible” in business terms. And this happened without us even realizing it. That’s a bit scary. The only thing we noticed was that suddenly the project was dead. Nothing was happening because there was no motivation. Or at least, not enough motivation.
That’s why we are now super, duper attentive to whether what we are doing is “right” for us. And how do we sense that? Quite simply. We want to do it … even if we wouldn’t earn a dime from it, but had to do it for free!
It may take longer to get properly started or to reach a goal (whatever that means), but in return, it is authentically us. That is THE goal. The goal is for us to do what we are. Nothing more.
The goal is NOT to start a business, to be self-employed, or even to make money. The goal is an authentic life.
Good Conscious Life Is Not a Business or a Company – It’s ‘Life Design’ of an Authentic Life
Neither Søren nor I have ever thought of Good Conscious Life as a business. Yes, we’ve talked about starting a business and being entrepreneurs in this article, but that’s not really our focus. And yes, Good Conscious life is meant to make money for us, and it already does, but we truly don’t see Good Conscious Life as a business per se (even though it is, in a more technical sense).
We view Good Conscious Life as something we choose to spend our time on, something that brings us joy and meaning. It’s a way of living, ‘a way of life.’
Therefore, we haven’t specifically thought of it as starting a “business.” That’s not what it’s about for us. What it’s about is living a life where we do what we are. An authentic life. A holistic lifestyle where Good Conscious Life is involved a little bit all the time because we’re doing what we are.
That means (and I’m repeating myself, but it’s so important, I think): It’s not the concept of a business that is the focus. It’s “us” as people living a good and meaningful life that is the focus. By this, I mean that if you focus too much on the concept of “business,” you might easily end up focusing on what it takes for the business to survive.
But it’s not the business that needs to survive. It’s us!
And this is a radical shift in mindset. It’s a shift from having to adapt to the world and striving to survive – to living authentically, where you decide how things should be. It’s a shift in focus from external factors such as money, job titles, and success to the most important things in our lives: ourselves and our life experience.
But What About Money? After All, You Need to Make a Living …
One of the most important elements for us in Good Conscious Life has been to keep money and income completely out of the picture initially. We discovered that as soon as we started thinking about how much we could earn from what, our mindset gradually closed up, we became less experimental, and everything suddenly felt a bit more ‘serious.’
And what’s wrong with being serious, you might ask? After all, you need to be a bit realistic when starting a business, right?
No, actually, you don’t!
Not at this early stage, when you’re in the process of creating! If you become serious too early, you risk killing creativity before it even has a chance to poke its colorful little head out.
So yes, we’ve chosen to invest our energy in play, exploration, experimentation, and meeting a variety of people. For both of us, it was essential to keep Good Conscious Life completely separate from financial concerns.
For Good Conscious Life to become an authentic extension of us, it was crucial that money didn’t interfere and disrupt the picture (for those with a healthy, resourceful relationship with money, it might be different, but for us, it was essential that money didn’t control anything, precisely because it keeps us locked into an unhelpful mindset).
That’s why we chose, among other things, to do much of our work in Good Conscious Life for free or for symbolic payment. We still do this to some extent. It simply works best for us at the moment, as it ensures we’re only doing things that are truly right for us.
And for living expenses, we’ve had to find other means, including part-time work – which we selected based on criteria such as not taking too much time, energy (especially mental energy), or attention, so that we still have the capacity to try things out and build what we truly want.
The Result of Good Conscious Life’s Childhood Play
Therefore we have deliberately spent the past year playing and experimenting with a variety of things – all under the umbrella of awareness, personal development, and spirituality.
Some of the things we tried were spot-on for who we are. That was fantastic!
Other things were less aligned with us. We probably won’t do them again, but they were interesting and educational!
But as mentioned, if you want to learn a bit about who you are, it’s a great idea to simply go out into the world as you are, with what you enjoy and are good at – ideally with an open, playful, experimental, and positive mindset. The insight and knowledge gained from playing and experimenting to understand who you are and what you like is one of the most important takeaways for us.
But we weren’t alone. We couldn’t have figured out who we were without the world and all the wonderful people in it, so …
Thank you, thank you to all of you coachees, ‘guinea pigs,’ lecture and workshop participants, colleagues, and collaborators for helping us make our lives more conscious!
Thanks to a lot of fantastic, open, and wonderful people (and some of you are reading this, we know), who were willing to play and grow with us in various ways, we now have a much clearer understanding of who we are and what we’d like to offer you moving forward.
Our outward primary focus in Denmark will now be on:
- Guidance of consciousness: In-depth personal 1-on-1 work with unlimited time per session (typically around 2 hours).
- Consciousness education: The most individual-oriented and personal alternative education in Denmark: Here, you learn, together with a small, close-knit group of others, to use your consciousness as the primary tool and some simple methods and techniques as secondary tools. You are also encouraged – with the help of the group – to consciously design your life in practice. A life focusing on joy, authenticity, and meaning. Offered from 2021.
- Consciousness play with guinea pigs: Personal 1-on-1 or 1-on-2 work (1-2 = both Søren and Birgitte are present), focusing on a specific technique or method we want to gain better knowledge of and experience with.
- Consciousness evenings: A sort of open-house evening where we gather around a specific topic and explore, play, learn, and share.
- Articles and blog posts on this website.
Yes, that’s our focus … until it changes. 😉
But that’s life – full of cycles and change. And hopefully … lots of improvement.
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