Are you seeking, or do think you're finding yourself in, a
rebound relationship? Rebound relationships are often sought, or
fallen into, whether consciously or subconsciously, by those who
have recently been hurt in some relationship now lost or
dissolved. But, although rebound relationships are so commonly
sought after, the fact is that a rebound relationship is nearly
always bad. Or, at least, unwise.
When you're seeking a rebound relationship, you're probably not
looking for anything of substance. People who are looking for
rebound relationships strongly tend to be comfort-seekers,
perhaps even "just sex" seekers. But no amount of comfort or
shallow sex can take away the pain of the substantial
relationship lost.
A rebound relationship can also be unethical. There's a high
risk of dishonesty on your part, whether you intend there to be
or not. You see, in order to get into the relationship, you need
to seem as if you're trying to move on, into a new life. That
means the other person has to believe this. But if you're really
just trying to rebound, you're essentially just using the other
person to make yourself feel good about yourself (and possibly
just for cheap sex on top of that).
Rebound relationships aren't authentic, and that is what is
wrong with them. Most people who knowingly find themselves a
rebound relationship don't mean to hurt anyone. But, they do.
They lead people on. A lot of times, they are leading themselves
on!
Yes, you can lead yourself on. If you are trying to find a new
relationship soon after you've broken apart from a serious one,
you can easily fall into what is a rebound relationship.
Rebound Dating Problems
You can hurt the other person very deeply with rebound dating.
But, you can also get yourself into serious trouble with rebound
dating. For instance, if you're a woman, you can find yourself
being used for sex by the guy. And while you may think "so
what?", if you think the relationship is something serious as
you get all caught up in the sex-for-comfort, you may find
yourself pregnant by a man who has no commitment to you.
Another problem with rebound dating is that if you do it
knowingly, or if you just don't care if you're doing it or not,
you could set yourself up to be raped. There are guys who target
rebounding dating females. Even after the so-called relationship
is ended, you could find yourself being stalked.
When Can a Rebound Relationship Be Good?
Most of the time, rebound relationships just can't be good
things. This needs to understood, as was already stated at the
beginning of this writing. But, can a rebound relationship ever
be a good thing? It can, but only as long as you make sure that
you, and your rebound guy or rebound girl, know precisely what
you're doing and why you're doing it.
Over 90% of pre-marital dating relationships end in 'failure',
anyway. So, if you just ended something, or you just got broken
up with, there are some times when a rebound relationship may
work for you …
– All you want is sex. Okay, for some people
this is not an ethical and/or attractive option. Yet, there are
others who don't think that there's anything wrong with a "raw
sex" relationship. There's something to be said for "sexual
healing". If this is okay with you, then getting together with
someone just to fuck is fine … as long as you observe certain
basic rules. Namely: the other person has to be fully aware that
sex is really all that matters; they have to agree that this is
fine with them; and you both need to be careful about sexual
diseases or unwanted pregnancy.
– You have a friend who sets you up with a date soon
after your relationship ends. You should not,
necessarily, turn down other caring people's attempts at helping
you to overcome your loneliness or sorrow even if it's soon
after the breakup. It can be helpful because it takes you
outside yourself.
– You don't want any sex at all, just a new friend with
potential. Rebound dating can be okay if you're just
keeping it "light and fun". It may help you feel better about
yourself and prevent you from falling into grief or despair.
Just as with a situation where sex is all that it's about, you
must be certain that your dating partner is totally clear about
what's really going on.
– You get together with another single person whom you
loved before you got involved in the last relationship.
This may not actually be a "rebound relationship", but the point
is that this may be a way for you to get into a better
relationship. Perhaps you never told the other person how you
feel before. Perhaps you had mutually decided not to get
together in the past. Perhaps the other person turned you down
before, but now indicates different feelings. Now's your chance
to start over.
How Do You Become a Rebound Guy or Rebound Girl?
Don't let yourself think that a rebound relationship is probably
a good thing, in spite of what you just read above. What's much
more important is understanding how someone like you usually
gets involved in a rebound relationship to begin with.
1) You are in a relationship and you're in love. Then, that
relationship ends (probably without your really wanting or
expecting it to).
2) You try to comprehend why the relationship had to end, or was
ended, but seem unable to. You become more and more worried
about your possible unattractiveness.
3) You decide to get out of the house and start going out to
taverns, restaurants, the cinema, etc. Perhaps your friends help
you decide this, and perhaps you go out with them, too. But
nothing works to cure you of your grief or despair.
4) At last, unable to endure it any longer, you decide that your
former lover must have some kind of mental problem to get rid of
you … and, you must prove this, both to that ex lover and to
yourself.
5) You get together with someone new. You then proceed to make
sure that your ex sees or otherwise finds out that you're with
someone new. It's all to no avail, however; your ex doesn't give
a damn. Your ex may not even have a new lover, but is still
perfectly content, which just makes you feel worse.
6) You finally realize that your rebounding won't affect your
ex. When you realize this, you realize that you don't care about
the person you're now with, either … because, you're not in
the relationship for a legitimate reason.
As you can see, the above pattern is not one that you want to
allow yourself to fall into.
What About Rebound After Divorce?
A quick rebound after divorce
can be the most tempting of things. The time during and
immediately after divorce proceedings can be "crazy time" for
many people. If it happens to you, you may fall into deep
depression. Or, you may discover your "inner slut". Or some
other extreme reaction.
If you're facing divorce or have just gotten divorced, be on
your guard about falling into a rebound relationship. You should
probably find other ways of bolstering your self-esteem and
being positive about your personal future. Take your time before
you let yourself get involved with someone new. There are
exceptions to every rule, but … as a rule, avoid rebound
relationships.
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