• Get surprising new info about personal development!
• Find out what it is, what to do, and how to do it in practice.
• Are you focused on goals, knowledge or solving problems? Good!
• Learn the simple 1-2-3 of self development/improvement, etc.
• See an example personal development plan, and make your own.
Development Is … Change
Development is neither good nor bad; neither right nor wrong –
it's simply a change from something to something else; from one
condition to another.
So, you're probably reading this because you're interested in
making some kind of change in yourself or your life (or both).
Change is easy to understand, because it can go only two ways:
More of something or less of something.
People are easy to understand, too, because what they usually
want is more of the good, pleasant stuff and less of bad,
unpleasant stuff.
What Is Personal Development?
Basically, personal development when you change yourself and
your life experience in a direction that you desire. You know:
More of something or less of something.
For instance:
(1) You might want more knowledge, skills and insight,
because you feel that knowledge, skills and insight are good and
pleasant things.
(2) For the same reason, you may also want to get better at
defining and achieving your goals.
(3) And because you don't really like problems, because you feel
that problems are bad stuff, you want less of that, you want to
solve your problems, and have fewer problems.
Well, luckily those three things are exactly what this website
is all about!
When you desire personal development and change, basically what
you want is a different experience. A better life. To get that,
you change yourself and your life – that's what makes the
development personal.
(And on the off chance that you've got an idea about changing
someone else or someone else's life: Just forget about it. It's
beyond your control. You don't control their life, they do. Just
like you control yours).
So, now we know that for most people:
Personal development is when you …
– acquire knowledge, skills and insight
– define and achieve goals
– and solve problems plus get fewer of them
… all done by yourself
… in regard to yourself and your own life.
Two Surprises for You
And now it's time for a surprise or two. I have these two
important things to tell you about personal development:
a) You already have that which you are searching for.
b) The most powerful kind of personal development
is actually a dismantling, a phasing out.
Those are a couple of somewhat provocative statements, right?
Let me just explain them – and a few other things, too.
What You Really Want
During my (many) years of working as a coach and guide in
consciousness [LINK] I have had an excellent chance to check out
what people want. And I don't just mean what they say at first,
like some shiny new toy like a car, a motorbike or a boat, no, I
mean what they REALLY want.
How I discovered this? Simply by
repeatedly asking them this question: "Okay, if you had that
(e.g. a new car) what would that give you?"
An example: A man working in middle management tells me that
he wants to achieve the goal of getting an expensive new sports
car, a red Ferrari.
So, I ask: "Okay, if you had a red Ferrari what would that
give you?" and the answer is a cool image. I ask: "Okay, if you
had a cool image what would that give you?" and the answer is
higher status. I ask: "Okay, if you had higher status what would
that give you?" and the answer is more power and influence.
Well, I just keep doing that and guess where we end up?
The answer can be put in many different ways, with
happiness, inner peace [LINK],
love,
spiritual enlightenment [LINK] and wholeness being some of the
most common words used.
I have yet to meet someone for who is not, at the deepest
level, looking for those very things. So, I'm going to go ahead
and assume that this is true for you, too.
You Already Have It!
Well, I'm here to tell you that you've already got happiness,
inner peace, love, spiritual enlightenment and wholeness.
They're yours. You just haven't noticed it yet. Or, rather,
you've forgotten it.
As it is, you're probably only
experiencing them in random glimpses. But I PROMISE you:
Happiness, inner peace, love, spiritual enlightenment and
wholeness are experiences that you can have anytime, anyplace,
no matter who you are, for as long as you please.
They're choices, actually, but that just sounds annoying to
most people, because they have no idea how to choose those
things.
Well, since you're reading stuff on this website, that may be
about to change for you.
On a daily basis I help people to experience those things.
It's quite possible. Anyone can do it. You, too. Because, like I
said, they're already yours!
No Happiness, Inner Peace, Love, Spiritual Enlightenment and
Wholeness for You?
Please note: If you are currently NOT experiencing happiness,
inner peace, love, spiritual enlightenment and wholeness, it's
NOT because you don't have those things, and it's NOT because
there is something wrong with you.
You DO have those things,
and there is NOTHING wrong with you! It's simply that something
is standing in the way of your desired experience.
Now, the things standing in the way of your desired experience
are the same for everybody. Those things, too, go by many
different names. Fear [LINK], anxiety [LINK], beliefs [LINK],
limitations,
the ego
and defence mechanisms are some of the most commonly used words.
These things come between you and your desired experience in
the same way that big, fat, black rain clouds come between you
and the sun. The sun is always there, but until the clouds
disperse, you won't experience it.
It's exactly the same way with happiness, inner peace, etc. –
you won't experience those things until your fear, anxiety,
beliefs, ego and defence mechanisms have dispersed. That's why I
say …
Personal Development Is a Dismantling, a Phasing Out
Imagine that you are having a garden sale to get rid of the
heaviest clutter in your life: Everything fear-based has to go!
You don't need those things, anyway. If your life is like most
people's life the fear-based things don't do you any good what
so ever.
What? Am I telling you that you don't need your fear,
anxiety, beliefs, ego and defence mechanisms? Well, no, only the
fear-based parts.
But hey, isn't that like … most of it?
Yep. It is. (It's not quite all of it, though; the ego, for
instance, does have some planning and problem solving abilities
that can be useful now and then … that's about it, though).
But, aren't those fear-based things performing some important
function? Well, they actually do have a function, but chances
are that this function is NOT needed in your life right now.
Don't You Need Fear-based Things?
Fear-based things may be needed, say, a few seconds on any given
day. When you are half asleep in the morning and step in front
of a moving vehicle, for instance. Or when you go jogging in the
afternoon and encounter a hungry tiger or polar bear.
In cases
like those, your instincts react with fear, prompting you to
fight, flee or freeze. Which is excellent and very useful,
because it's a matter of physical survival.
But if your love partner keeps nagging you, and your kids
keep pestering you, and your boss keeps pacing you, and your
colleagues keep ostracising you, and you keep criticizing
yourself, well, then you're almost bound to feel pressurized and
get stressed … and reach for all your fear-based stuff,
including your defence mechanisms.
And that, my friend, is not a good idea. It has nothing to do
with physical survival, it doesn't work, and it'll ruin your
day. And if you keep doing it, it'll ruin your life. Your love
partner or boss or who ever it is, will not react positively –
they will get scared by your behaviour and react with something
fear-based in return – which will escalate an already lousy
situation.
So, barring actual life threatening situations, you are much
better off NOT USING your arsenal of fear-based stuff!
Stress and Pressure Makes for a Lousy Life
Like I mentioned, stress and pressure brings up the tendency to
use your defence mechanisms and other fear-based stuff.
And
most people lead terribly stressed lives. Not because they want
to, and not because they have to, but simply because they don't
know how to STOP leading that kind of life. So their defence
mechanisms and other fear-based stuff are at the forefront most
of the time. That doesn't feel very nice, and it is a far cry
from a good life.
Maybe that describes you, too?
In fact, maybe that's one of the important reasons why you're
interested in personal development, self help, self improvement,
spirituality or whatever interest it is that makes you read
this?
Well, good news! The road I advice you to take towards
personal development is easy. My advice is as simple as 1-2-3
…
The 1-2-3 of Personal Development
This simple 1-2-3 of personal development not only takes care of
your goals, skills and problems, it actually provides the
overall framework for a personal development plan – should you
want one:
1) Choose your direction (not really a goal,
just kind of) and set yourintention
2) Get know-how (skills) and understanding/insight
into your fear-based stuff
3) Start accepting and
letting go of (dismantling) your fear-based stuff
That's it. Easy, right? But wait, for some people it can be
even easier!
What's even easier is this: Follow the pain (unpleasantness),
accept it, and let it go! I'll tell you more about this approach
in a moment.
Want a Personal Development Plan?
Some people feel better having a plan for what they are about to
do. So, they decide they need a personal development plan.
Well, if you're one of those people I'll help you with that.
I'll provide a page specifically dedicated to personal
development plans [LINK]. Just have a tiny bit of patience, for
it'll be here real soon.
Don't Want a Personal Development Plan?
Other people are more impulsive and absolutely do not want to
make plans; they prefer to deal with things as they arise. This
is equally efficient.
Apart from the 1-2-3 of personal
development (outlined above and more info on it here [LINK]),
the one simple thing to remember is this:
You can use your discomfort (experiences of unpleasantness)
as your tool and guide in your personal development.
Every time you feel unpleasantness, it's a sign that there is
something that you're not clear about. 'Not clear about' means
that you a) don't accept it and b) hold on to it. Most likely it
has roots is in one of your beliefs [LINK] (or, if you prefer:
your personal, relative reality [LINK]).
Use the 1-2-3 of personal development [LINK] to get clear
(and, if you can: let your belief go completely – you don't need
it).
That's it, that's all. This will get you where you want to
go.
What to Do in Practice
All of this sounds easy, but what do you do in practice? Well,
in practice some elements of your personal development might
look like this:
Start by choosing your desired method: Plan –
or no plan. Skip to the part below that's for you.
YOU WANT A PLAN
(1) Answer this question: What is it you want more of – or less
of? Let your answer to this question guide you to the place on
this website where it's discussed. Use the menu buttons on the
upper left side of each page to take you there. Read all about
it. This will help you understand and gather know-how.
(2a) If you're the type who plans extensively: Follow the
instructions for creating a detailed personal development plan
[LINK]. Implement it.
(2b) If you're the type who just needs a sketchy plan: Use
the 1-2-3 of personal development as outlined above: 1) choose a
direction and set an intention, 2) gain insight and know-how ,
3) accept and let go of anything that's even remotely related to
fear (i.e. anything that gives you an unpleasant experience).
Read more about the 1-2-3 of personal development here [LINK].
(3) Know this: No matter what you want to get more – or less
– of, what you really, deep down, want is
happiness, inner peace [LINK],
love,
spiritual enlightenment [LINK] or wholeness. So you may choose
to go straight for those things, if you like. To do so, just
read about not having a plan (below).
(Actually what you're looking for is what I call absolute
reality [LINK], and happily you're right, smack in the middle of
it; you simply need to notice that, which you do by letting go
of your own, personal and relative reality [LINK]).
YOU DON'T WANT A PLAN
If you're the impulsive, somewhat happy go lucky type:
(1) Follow the pain and unpleasantness, accept it and let it
go! That's it.
To do this you:
a) make yourself aware of whatever's bugging you or
limiting you, and …
b) dive into it (enhance it!), so you can …
c) get to know it, and …
d) accept it, and then simply …
e) let go of it.
Use a method like
the Let Go Method for this.
You'll soon notice that what you'll be diving into, accepting
and letting go is your fear [LINK] in different guises.
That' true whether you're going for a goal or seeking
knowledge/insight and discovering your (perceived) limitations,
or you're trying to fix your problems and make sure they don't
return. It's all fear, fear, fear.
In any case you should know that what you really want, and
what you're ultimately going to get, is
happiness, inner peace [LINK],
love,
spiritual enlightenment [LINK] and wholeness.
Where Would You Like to Go Next?
To see what has been added to this site recently (plus
offers, etc.), check out Blog
& News at goodconsciouslife.com
To share your own short self
improvement ideas, tips, musings, quotes, stories, spiritual
jokes, etc. (and read the short ideas, etc. others have
shared) jump to Shared
Blog: Self Improvement Ideas
Jump to the Homepage