Funny Quotes on Car Insurance and Hilarious Auto Jokes

Quotes on car insurance … boring, right? Not so!

While taking out the proper car insurance is surely a good
idea, at goodconsciouslife.com we think that the some of best car
insurance quotes are the ones you get from studying the weird
things people write on their auto insurance claims.

We have found several hilarious quotes on auto insurance which
we'd like to present you with, after which, towards the end of
this page, we will manufacture our own hilarious warnings signs
that really should be included in any and all quotes on auto
insurance.

But first, the good fun of weird car insurance quotes.

Look at the following things that some people put on their
auto transport quotes to request a payout from their insurance
company … for example one genius' auto insurance claim spelled
out the following reason for claiming his car insurance quotes
payout:

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and
collided with a tree I don't have."

Quotes on car insurance: Funny picture of car high up in a tree.

Wow!

But hey, you can't own every house out there, and there are
also lots trees not owned by people who have cars, so it can
happen to anyone, right?

Unless you don't drive a car – or have a tree – or a house.
Then, and only then, should you be safe – as illustrated shortly
…

When you want to collect on the car insurance quotes you've
gotten, you need to fill out a form with questions.

Some people put very cute and crazy answers on their auto
transport quotes claims …

Question on one of the auto transport quotes claims:
"Are there any ways that the accident could have been avoided?"

Insurance claimant's answer: "Taking the bus."

That ought to do it, but you never know. Just see here:

"My car was hit by a submarine."

Double wow!

A totally lame lie?

No, just one of those

weird but true facts – and one of the absolutely classic
quotes on auto insurance. This actually happened when a new hand
at manning a submarine slammed it into the pier, which damaged
the car of a wife that had come to the dock to greet her
returning husband.

Qutoes on car insurance: Funny car accident of car crashing into drive through pharmacy.

Now, do you see how the best car insurance quotes are the
stuff people write on their auto insurance claims?

Yep, in traffic you never know what hits you. And, as
illustrated by this insurance claimant's answer on a
questionnaire you can run, but you can't hide:

"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."

Plus:

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so
I hit him again."

And these:

"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so
I ran him over."

"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped
on the gas and crashed into the other car."

And finally these two, from the annals of great quotes on car
insurance:

"I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by
human beings."

So what, exactly was this driver trying to hit in the first
place?

"Three women were talking to each other and when two
stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident."

Seems like some people are making an effort to hit passersby.
Maybe playing certain computer games has damaging effects after
all (yes, there are computer games where you drive a car and
score points when you hit pedestrians – just another one of
those weird but true facts).

Further, some folks grasp at straws (or perhaps straw dolls):

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

Seriously? In any case, that's what the person wrote.

Here's what a couple of other good folks have written:

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other
way."

"If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind
himself the accident would not have happened."

Isn't that just typical?

Bet it has happened to you, too, right? But bet it wouldn't
have if only you had been a few yards behind yourself!

More Funny Car Insurance Quotes

Funny car accident. Picture of car hanging in telephone wires.

A surprising number of hilarious car insurance quotes found
on insurance claims involved animals.

One accident reported that a frozen squirrel crashed
through the window of the car, while another of the
best car insurance quotes claims stated that a cow
jumped on a quad bike.

Or how about this favorite:

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a
telephone pole."

Drastic measures for killing a fly, no? Talk about overkill.

How about this:

"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I
would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was
any risk."

Well, the dog is man's best friend, but that does not
necessarily make the dog a great driver.

Food is another major part of auto insurance quotes claims,
such as the accident that was caused by a potato being
lodged behind the brake pedal or the one where
the claimant's car was damaged by a frozen kebab that was tossed
out of a another car.

And then there's this one, where you really must check out
this guy's focus on his driving:

"I had one eye on the parked car, another on an
approaching truck, and another on the woman behind."

Three eyes totally focused on everything but the road. At
least he's being honest about focusing on the 'headlights' of
the woman behind him.

Getting back to the animals which are so prolific …

Question on one of the auto transport quotes claims:
"What warning was given by you?"

Insurance claimant's answer: "Horn."

Next question on one of the auto transport quotes claims:
"What warning was given by the other party?"

Insurance claimant's answer: "Moo."

Apparently that guy ended up being just as horny as the
previous (three eyed) guy – just in several different ways. But
at least he stayed in control, and control is vital in ensuring
an accident happens:

"The accident happened when I was trying to steer my
car out of a skid by steering it into another vehicle."

So, if you don't have control you really need fast reflexes:

"I started to slow down but the traffic was moving
more slowly than I thought."

Ah, these car insurance quotes – here's another really good
one, one of very best car insurance quotes:

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my
vehicle, and disappeared."

Those damn invisible cars! Constantly slamming into passing
vehicles and disappearing into nowhere. Happens all the time!
Never any witnesses, though. For some reason, nobody ever sees
it happen.

Other un(fore)seen factors also contribute to people filling
out their auto insurance quotes claim:

"An indirect cause of this accident was some little
guy in a small car with a big mouth."

And, finally, the third and last of these spooky quotes on
car insurance:

"As I neared an intersection, a sign all of a sudden appeared
where no stop sign had ever appeared before."

Yeah, those pesky signs; always showing up where you least
expect them! 🙂

Important Warnings

Funny picture of car accident. Car crashing into yacht.

When obtaining quotes on car insurance, the wording of the
document is usually very serious.

However, to insure that the quotes are in fact the best car
insurance quotes companies really ought to make them
entertaining as well.

Here at goodconsciouslife.com we are of the opinion that a number of
warnings really should be provided by car insurance companies on
car insurance quotes in order to help drivers remember some
simple things as they drive. All based on facts and experience,
of course.

These important warnings that should be included on all
quotes on car insurance include:

WARNING: Swerving into another car may cause damage
to both parties.

WARNING: Trying to kill a fly by smashing your car
into a telephone pole may cause damage to your vehicle.

WARNING: Pedestrians on your windshield are closer
than they appear.

WARNING: Speeding up as you approach another car is
not the best way to minimize damage. (But it just might be the
best way to optimize it).

WARNING: Dogs are not ideal drivers.

WARNING: Stop signs sometimes appear in places where
they haven't been before. Do let that stop you.

WARNING: Attractive people are dangerous. Beautiful
people walking down the street are one of the main causes of car
accidents.

WARNING: Trees may appear in your driveway if you are
pulling into the wrong house.

WARNING: Do not throw frozen food out of your window
while driving. Stick to rotten food.

WARNING: Stationary cars may jump out at you as you
drive towards them.

WARNING: The bump you just felt may be the pedestrian
you just ran over.

WARNING: Drive nice and slow, because frozen
squirrels are known to cause damage to windshields upon
impacting at high speed.

WARNING: Wildlife and plant life have been known to
spring out in front of vehicles. Depending on the size of the
wild life or plant life – and your car … either the car, the
flora and fauna or you may sustain serious damage.

WARNING: Telephone poles may occasionally jump in
front of your path and cause you to collide. As this can be
dangerous to your health, you must pay extra attention to all
telephone poles.

WARNING: So do not grow potatoes on the floor of your
car. Potatoes behind your brake pedal may hamper your ability to
stop your vehicle.

WARNING: Falling asleep at the wheel may cause an
accident.

WARNING: Your car is not, in fact, a bumper car.
Treating it as such will cause an accident.

WARNING: Watch out for invisible cars. Invisible cars
are often the source of damage, but witnesses are few and the
police can't seem to find these cars, so you really must be on
the lookout. Of course this doesn't help, but when the accident
does happen you will feel better knowing you have done
everything you could.

Quotes on car insurance: Funny picture of car with very big luggage on the roof