On this page we'll present you with a big collection of funny
Christmas sayings and funny Christmas quotations, sprinkled with
a few interesting Christmas thoughts and reflections.
Cutting to the Truth Using Christmas Sayings
Christmas is a time to hold closely to the ones that you love
and to spread cheer and warmth to everyone you come in contact
with. Right? Well, sort of. Or, it's supposed to be, right?
Christmas: Several weeks of Hell for Christ's sake!
~ Funny Christmas Saying ~
The thing with the warmth and cheer and joy is the idea behind
Christmas that many of us hold fast to even though in reality
the holiday season is much more complicated than this.
-
Christmas Left-Right Game Approved by the Infamous
Scrooge Himself - Do we really love being around our family and friends
during the holiday? Yes, most of us probably like being
around most them … but if you are like most people, you
will be spending your Christmas with at least one or a few
folks that you would rather see spending their Christmas a
few hundred miles away. At least. - Do we spread joy and warmth and cheer? Most of us
probably try pretty hard, but … - Do we spread warmth and cheer as we visit the overly
crowded malls and shopping centers? Ha! No need to even
answer that one.
May your Christmas be like Santa Claus – fat, jolly
and generous.
Our sincere goal may be to feel warmth and joy and spread cheer
but many times that goal gets diverted real quick – by feelings
of worry, fear, anger, rage and suchlike pandemonium created by
the stress of Christmas shopping and general getting ready for
Christmas, followed by the stress of being near the overwhelming
personalities and 'cute quirks' of some those we are fortunate
enough to be spending our time with.
Wishing you a holiday season filled with stress, cold,
and anger. Okay, so that isn't pretty. But at least it's pretty
realistic.
Christmas Reflections on Credit Cards & Christmas Debt
Christmas is the season when you buy this year's
gifts with next year's money.
Yes, the beautiful tree, the gorgeous decorations, and the more
or less lovely Christmas music being piped in from every
available speaker in the area can bring a sense of the Christmas
spirit to anyone in the area. This is true both at home and in
the shopping malls.
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply
religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by
going to the mall of his choice.
~ Dave Barry ~
As you look around at the facial expressions of the people in
the room, both at the shopping mall and at home, however, you
can tell that many of them are concerned. Why? Well, unless you
ask them that's anybody's guess, but a very good guess has to do
with little flat pieces of plastic.
Yes, while Christmas means that people may enjoy the time they
spend with those that they love, many good folks are concerned
about how in the world they will be able to pay for the gifts
that they have charged on their credit cards. The list of gifts
that will need to be purchased during the Christmas season is
long, way too long, and the only way for most people on an
average budget to afford them is to … yep, you know it: whip
out the charge card.
Credit Card: A piece of plastic that has demonic powers
in its ability to keep a person in financial slavery for the
rest of their life.
A credit card is a small plastic card, issued by a loan
shark, that gives you and endless supply of money which your
husband or boyfriend slowly pays off to the with enormous
interests added each month.
Every December the Christmas season brings a temporary
end to the economic recession – and every January sees the
recession back with double power!
The intentions are great but we spend an entire year or more
paying off the purchases that we make during the wonderful
Christmas season. As the credit cards fly through the air and
into the credit card scanners, people sink further and further
into debt.
Christmas: A widely celebrated end-of-the-year profit
scam.
Some may argue that the looks on the faces of people –
particularly the children – as they rip open the brightly
colored paper are well worth the debt that is brought on at
Christmas.
While this is true as well, the question is whether they
wouldn't be exactly as happy with things that cost a whole lot
less. Things you could actually afford. The only ones who really
benefit from the widespread use of credit cards are … yeah,
you've guessed it: the credit card companies.
Using a credit card is like pissing your pants in
freezing weather. This is doubly true at Christmas.
Christmas Ideas – Controversial?
Consider spending some honest (pre) Christmas thoughts and
Christmas reflections considering if the gifts you consider
purchasing will actually be used and valued by the people that
you are giving them to.
When you purchase that last minute packs of Christmas socks, or
the weird coffee mug filled with slightly disgusting candy, or
even the expensive designer corkscrew complete with a bottle of
unknown, overpriced Italian wine simply because you need to give
them a gift, you are adding expenses to yourself whilst the
person who gets the gift will not be impressed or thankful for
receiving it. You already know this.
The threat of Christmas hung in the air, visible already
in the fretful look of passersby as they readied themselves for
the meaningless but necessary rites of false jovialities and
ill-considered gifts.
~ Peter Dickinson ~
Do yourself and them a favor and make the deal with them that
you quit giving presents (except to the kids) or, if need be,
just pick up a gift card instead. Maybe make a deal with the
other people involved as to how much money you will spend on
gifts for each other. Or, at least pick some nice but not too
expensive gifts that are explicitly well suited for returning or
re-gifting.
A hug is the perfect gift; one size fits all, and nobody
minds if you exchange it.
And, of course, in the end good old Seneca (a Roman philosopher
who lived first century AD) had it right when he said:
A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the
intention of the giver or doer.
~ Christmas Reflections by Seneca ~
Christmas Thoughts about the Birth of Commercialism
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first –
your money or your feet.
For some people the ever popular "Black Friday" (in November)
sales are a way to save money and to get the gifts and holiday
décor that they need to make the Christmas gathering a great
one. They spend hours and hours waiting in line just to save a
few dollars on the decorations and gifts that they need. Their
feet may ache and they may catch a cold from being out in the
weather for so many hours but they WILL to be able to say they
found the very best deal!
Christmas: make people forget the past with a present.
Preparing for the Christmas season is something that can
cause anyone a great deal of stress. This is especially true if
you are the person that gets to host the gathering at your home.
You have to make sure the house is clean, the bedrooms are ready
for extended stay guests and that the food is wonderful. The
preparation begins well before the month of December even
arrives.
Christmas is an annual commercial carnival which
celebrates the birth of the Shopping Centre, usually lasting
about four horrible months and starting earlier every year. Next
Christmas is expected to start in August.
Once the items are purchased, the attention goes to their homes.
Do the throw pillows match the curtains and the carpeting? Does
each of the spare bedrooms have clean sheets and enough pillows?
Do you have enough room for each of your overnight guests to
sleep comfortably? Are the floors presentable enough for
company? Each of these questions leads to more questions and
more things to do before everyone arrives.
If we could only have the Christmas cheer all year long,
then we would all be totally stressed out.
The result of this hard work is short lived though, because as
your guests leave you will see that your floors are now spilled
on and scuffed up, the sheets are dirty and the pillows are on
the floor.
Well, at least you and your guests had a great time while it
lasted, and you don’t have to worry about it again until
your next extended stay visitor comes around. Or, come mid
December next year you could take off for a couple of weeks on a
tropical island somewhere. Or, alternatively, persuade someone
else to host the Christmas celebration – or just plain old
decline hosting it yourself.
Christmas Reflections: the War that Is Christmas
People can't concentrate properly on blowing other
people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts
suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
~ Ogden Nash ~
Now this is one of the many thoughts on Christmas that bring out
some interesting conversations. While Christmas is a time to be
close to your friends and family, it can also be the most trying
time of the year. You have to deal with rude people out
shopping, underpaid and overworked store employees and their
attitudes, and when you finally reach the actual gathering, the
annoying people in the family that you are happy to only spend
one to two days a year with.
It's hard to think of any other time in the year that someone
would put up with so much drama from people that they know (and
people that they do not know) other than Christmas.
Never has there been a good war or a bad peace.
~ Benjamin Franklin ~
There must really be some magic in Christmas that helps most of
us keep calm and hold that sometimes fake smile.
Peace begins with a smile.
~ Mother Teresa ~
Our family members mean a great deal to us and we do want to be
kept informed if there is something going on with them but when
personalities clash, they just clash.
Here's an idea: Let's make a day every year where people
are pressured socially to be kind, generous, happy, and patient.
Oh yeah, that's already been done. Merry Christmas.
Our positive and uplifting Christmas reflections each year are
there to cover up the stress and aggravation that we sometimes
just barely manage to get through each year.
Spending a day together is manageable most of the time but
spending weeks together just may not be possible at all. When
that's how you feel, check out this handful of peace quotes:
Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
~ Wise Thoughts and Sayings by Ralph Waldo Emerson
~
Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only
be attained through understanding.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~
There is no way to peace, peace is the way.
~ Sayings by A. J. Muste ~
Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.
~ Peace Sayings by Buddha ~
Peace is not something you wish for; It's something you
make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you
give away.
~ Robert Fulghum ~
Funny Quotes about Christmas Packages and Presents
Christmas time is package time.
Good things come in small packages … and in big
packages, medium packages, pretty packages, ugly packages and
just plain boring packages. And you know what? It's not the
package that counts.
~ Soren Lauritzen, thePersonalDevelopmentGuy.com ~
And here's one of the really funny holiday sayings – from the
mouth of Johnny Carson:
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose
them in time for Christmas.
~ Johnny Carson ~
He was absolutely correct when he mentioned the post office
losing the packages. For some people this has been a problem for
years now. Sometimes the packages that seem to get lost each
year just happen to be addressed to the same person; sometimes
it's the packages from a particular person – or company – that
are always lost.
Sometimes the post office is to blame. For instance, corrupt
mail delivery persons do exist.
Folks who get all wrapped up in themselves, sure do make
small packages.
Other times the problem seems to lie somewhere else. If the
package always arrives about a week after Christmas, and the
packaging is intact and it does not appear to be damaged in any
sort of way, well …
It could very well be that the post office has temporarily lost
track of the package, or that the shipment was misrouted, or
that small elves came and pulled it aside to do a quality check
before sending it on the way. Yes, indeed.
The delay just may also be due to the fact that the person
sending the package does not even purchase the gift until the
after Christmas sales hit, and so the package gets mailed out a
couple days after Christmas.
If you are starting to feel guilty now, rest assured that the
receiving party won't know who to blame – unless of course they
notice the post marked date on the package. In that case you can
surely think of some plausible explanation. Because by then you
will be out of holiday stress mode and have a clearer head you
can use to come up with an excuse.
Freedom comes in individual packages. Even at
Christmas time.
Famous Christmas Sayings about Fruitcake & Re-gifting
So you get a present. And inside of your present you might
just find something you either love or dread … like a
fruitcake.
My husband bought fruitcake one year. He ate some of it,
but I wrapped the rest and gave it back to him for Christmas.
The next year, I found it amongst my presents from him. It
developed from there.
~ Rikki Rosenberg ~
This one's been around 15 to 20 years. The first one
lasted about that long, too. Fruitcakes are made to withstand
the test of time.
~ Rikki Rosenberg ~
OK, so are you guilty of it? You have now read yet another few
of our favorite funny Christmas sayings. They bring up two of
the most interesting topics that no one seems to discuss at
Christmas; fruitcake and re-gifting.
The Pleasures and Horrors of Fruitcake (Fruitcake Quotes)
Let’s begin with fruitcake.
The First recorded fruitcake was in Roman times, and
some believe the fruitcake to be the cause of the fall of the
Roman Empire.
For most people receiving fruitcake as a gift from someone the
care about is something that will make them question how much
they really love that person. While there are a few people that
really enjoy fruit cake, the majority of people seem to find it
uneatable and, well, somewhat disgusting.
Reality is like a fruitcake; pretty enough to look at
but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the
surface.
~ A. Lee Martinez ~
A little publicized method of determining whether a
woman was a witch during the Salem Witch Trials was to offer the
suspect a piece of fruitcake. If she ate it and lived, it was
considered proof that she was, in fact, a witch.
The only thing worse than getting a fruitcake at
Christmas time … is getting a fruitcake from a fruitcake lover
who expects to you to share it with them.
These people say that when you just by looking at a fruitcake,
you just KNOW that it has been circulated through to many
different people since the time it was actually made fresh. How
many pieces of shiny paper, they wonder, has it been wrapped in
just to be rewrapped again for the next person?
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one
fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to
each other.
~ Johnny Carson ~
All in all we don't seem to care much for the ever present (!)
Christmas fruitcakes. So one of the Christmas questions that
make you think is this: If next to nobody likes fruit cake, how
come is it one of the most common Christmas presents?
Because we're weird, that must be the reason. We do bizarre
things for no apparent reason.
Last year, when my son Rob opened the box, what he found
was a T-shirt – with a picture of the fruitcake on the front.
~ Rikki Rosenberg ~
Okay, so what if you open that suspiciously heavy and dense
Christmas present and find all of your worst fears confirmed in
the form of a nutty fruit cake? Here's what to do …
The 10 Best and Funniest Uses for Fruitcake
1. Use it to hold up your Christmas tree
2. Give it to the cat for a scratching post
3. Use as boat anchor
4. Use as bricks when building your house – or just your
fireplace
5. Use it as a seat at a stadium event
6. Stand on it when you change a light bulb
7. Use it to hold up your car when changing tires
8. Use as defensive weapon – suitable both as repellent and
heavy, blunt instrument
9. Replaces free weights when you work out
10. Use as book ends – preferably at some library far away from
your home
The Pleasures and Horrors of Re-gifting
This leads us right to re-gifting. Almost everyone has
re-gifted a present they have received at one time in their life
or another. If they tell you they have not, they are probably
just too proud to admit it.
It's Not Regifting, It's Recycling: Frugal is the new
black. Handmade is cool. "Old" and "used" are now vintage and
trendy. This holiday season, don't head to the mall — head to
your closet. Don't go shopping — there's no need to buy
anything. Instead, recycle, repurpose and reinvent.
~ B.J. Gallagher ~
When someone gives you a gift, only one of two thoughts is
likely to enter your mind. You could think "Wow! This is great!
I can’t wait to try it out!" or possibly, "What in the
world am I supposed to do with this?"
It is very easy to show your appreciation for the good gifts …
but when you get a gift that you do not want, custom dictates
that you still have to fake a smile and pretend to love it.
You know that you will probably give this away to someone else
down the road some time so after the giver leaves, you
immediately tuck it away in a closet or on a shelf until the
time comes to give it to someone else.
It might be a good idea to tag it with the name of the person
that gave it to you initially though so you do not give it back
to them in a month or so. Or … maybe you should give it back
to them. One wonders what their face would look like – or if
they would acknowledge it. That might be a fun experiment to try
some day…
Today holds 86,400 seconds. Have you used one to say
"Thank you"?
Christmas is for children. But it is for grown-ups too.
Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period
of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts.
~ Lenora Mattingly Weber ~
While getting through the Christmas season without offending
someone may seem like an almost impossible task, once you get to
the other side of the aggravation you can look back on how
wonderful the experience really was. There will be new memories
made that you will cherish and after some time you will not
remember how intense the aggravation really was.
Unless you are a drama queen or king who loves the negative
emotions even more than the positive ones, you will only
remember how much fun it was to reunite with people that you
have not seen in a while. As you look back at your thoughts on
Christmas, you will know that each of your efforts over the last
few months was well worth it and that it was not as bad as you
thought that it may have been. Hopefully.
Yesterday is history. Today is a gift. Tomorrow a
mystery.
Many times our anxiety levels get to a point where we just know
that something will go wrong or that things will be much worse
than they actually are and we set ourselves up for what may be a
rocky holiday. Once the time arrives and the event finally
begins then our nerves can calm down and we can embrace all that
the Christmas holiday can offer us.
Yes, we may be very ready for everyone to go home so that we can
experience the quiet home that we have the rest of the year, but
we would not take back any of the events or moments that we have
lived through as the season passes us by. Christmas is an
exciting time and there are many great funny Christmas sayings
that can help lighten the mood of what might seem to be a very
stressful time of the year.
The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of
your attention.
~ Richard Moss ~
The greatest gift that you can give to others is the
gift of unconditional love and acceptance.
~ Brian Tracy ~
Conclusion: The Best Christmas Thoughts and Christmas Ideas
4 You
Still stressed out by Christmas preparations? Credit card
still maxed out? Okay, so you might …
- … try not taking everything about Christmas, yourself
or other people so seriously – this helps a lot!Stressed in December? Just means you're taking
Christmas too seriously. - … try making an agreement with everyone you're going
to be together with on Christmas day to limit the number –
and monetary value – of the Christmas presents that you give
each other (this includes the kids, though higher limits may
be set for them).The only thing worth limiting is limitation itself –
oh, and the use of credit cards. - … try deciding to only use money you actually HAVE for
Christmas – i.e. ban the use of credit cards. If this means
buying fewer and cheaper presents, etc. so be it. Come next
year you won't regret it. In fact, come next year you could
be saving up explicitly for Christmas.When it comes to credit cards, the sky isn't the
limit. - … try using some funny Christmas sayings and funny
Christmas quotations to lighten the mood and bring a smile
back to your tense, anxiety filled face.Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in
operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last
year's gifts.
There. We've given you the gold. Now is the time to say
goodbye and merry Christmas, and we will do so with one of the
more positive and wonderful Christmas sayings:
Christmas is the best time of the year…
Nobody knows if there will be snow,
but do have a cup of cheer!
External links to cool websites with pages relevant to this
funny thoughts page:
Just in case you're up for more weirdness, there's more at
Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit
(and they do, and it shows). Sometimes it's very funny,
sometimes it's not – and sometimes it's just plain weird.
We have collected a few easy-to-use links on all the
subjects mentioned on this page:
A short and to the point description at Infoplease.com of the
main points regarding
Christmas – and another one of the different common
Christmas Traditions.
The the content-free encyclopedia Uncyclopedia.com's completely
fabricated and somewhat funny history of the
Credit Card.
–
Fruitcake as irreverently described by the content-free
encyclopedia, Uncyclopedia.com.
– An absolute classic: the famous 1911 Edition of the
Encyclopedia Britannica's explanation of the concept of
Gift.
–
Regifting, as described by WikiPedia.com.
And, finally, Quotescoop.com says 'Peace, sisters and
brothers!' as a way of saying 'I shall behold your ugly visage
again unless you spot me first, oh ravenous reptile' a.k.a. 'See
you later, alligator!' a.k.a. 'Bye, bye now' … and in loving
memory of the little known state of Nonflict we shall end this
with a Peace link.
It has been said that fighting for peace is like fucking for
chastity, and at
Uncyclopedia they define peace as 'That boring time
in-between wars'.
Pax vobiscum, brothers and sisters, and Have fun!
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Heartwarming and Funny Quotes about Christmas – plus
some Christmas Thoughts
A Big Package of Christmas Sayings and Christmas
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Quotescoop's Christmas Poems – from Inspirational to
Funny Christmas Poems
12 Funny Christmas Poems – and Humorous Christmas Poems
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A Collection of Free Printable Christmas Cards and Funny
& Vintage Christmas Cards & Christmas Card Greetings
Free Christmas Cards to Print – Antique Victorian +
Modern Postcards
Humorous Reflections on Christmas
The Big Question: Is Santa Claus Real? Warm Santa Humor
and Santa Claus Jokes and Quotes
What Is Christmas Really? Formal, Funny, Friendly and
Feisty Answers to the Meaning of Christmas
Fun Games for Christmas
Fun Ideas for Christmas Games: Also Printable and Trivia
Activities
Funny and Entertaining Christmas Party Ideas and
Christmas Party Activities
Entertaining Christmas Party Games for the Whole Family
& Christmas Party Ideas for Kids and Adults
Funny Mental and Physical Office Christmas Party Games
for the Best Company Christmas Parties
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