Good Conflict Management and Resolution
– How Do You Practice It Best?

Article Library on Conflict
This is a ‘mother article’. Here are the other articles:

How Do You Handle Conflict? – Good Advice on Practical Conflict Management

What Is a Conflict and Why Does It Happen? Why Do We Disagree? The Fundamental Reasons

The Conflict Escalation Model – This Is What Happens When Conflicts Escalate!

Theories about Conflict Management and Conflict from Different Scientific Disciplines and Topics – The Big Picture

Good conflict management is crucial for a constructive resolution to conflicts. Fortunately, there are many effective approaches to handling conflicts.

In this article, we have compiled the classic, official suggestions for good conflict management and resolution, presented in a precise and easily accessible form. Additionally, we will present our own approach to effective conflict resolution, which we consider to be more fundamental and in-depth than the official suggestions.

Here is a brief overview of the content of this article. You can either jump directly to the section you are interested in or continue reading this article. Completely up to you.

Definition of Conflict, Conflict Management and Conflict Resolution
Motivation for Conflict Management and Resolution
Conflict Management Is about Both Conflict Behavior and Ensuring a Good Process
Behavior in Conflicts – The 5 Conflict Management Styles
Ensuring a Good Process in Conflicts (Good Conflict Management)
Good Conscious Life’s Approach to Conflict Management and Resolution

Definition of Conflict, Conflict Management and Conflict Resolution

A conflict is a disagreement that has escalated (see the conflict escalation model) to a point that is genuinely dysfunctional for everyone involved.

Therefore, it is important to realize: Conflict demands a lot from both parties and does not give either party what they really want, neither in the short nor long term:

Conflicts simply do not work.

Good conflict management is about controlling the conflict to minimize its negative effects and enhance its positive effects. Photo of two hippos biting each other in a fight.Conflict management is about managing the conflict in order to limit its negative effects and increase its positive effects. This means that to a large degree successful conflict management is about useful and functional conflict behavior.

Conflict resolution is about finding a peaceful and constructive end to conflicts and retaliation.

To manage and resolve a conflict in the best possible way, the parties involved may choose to use various tools, methods and processes to communicate their demands, interests, motives, goals, ideologies, and intentions to the other party.

The two most commonly used processes are:

1) Negotiating back and forth until a solution is found, either individually and personally or through representatives such as lawyers, ambassadors, or similar.

2) Involving a neutral third party, whom both parties trust, and letting this third party conduct conflict resolution therapy, mediation, arbitration, diplomacy, or similar.

A very large pile of theories about conflict, conflict management, and conflict resolution exist, which you can read more about here.

If you want to learn about a more practical approach to how you can resolve conflicts yourself, you can read about it here.

Motivation for Conflict Management and Resolution

Finding the incentives for conflict resolution is primarily about making the parties aware of the motivating factors. As long as the motive and the goal are not conflict itself or to fight, conquer, suppress, or completely eradicate the other party (and fortunately this is not the case in more “ordinary” conflicts), there is usually a real opportunity to motivate the parties to find a solution.

The biggest motivation for conflict management and resolution is probably:

1. The fact that a conflict costs the parties a lot, both in terms of resources (time, attention, energy, money, etc.) and in the form of discomfort, stress, worry, and reduced quality of life. In other words, it drains resources and reduces people’s joy of life.

In businesses, conflicts can lead to all of the above disadvantages plus issues such as a poor work environment, absenteeism, resignations, delays, lower productivity, bad publicity, poor business relationships, increased costs, and, of course, loss of profit.

In short, being in conflict is really tough on many levels of life!

Additionally, the conflict management process itself can also create a foundation for further motivation because:

Conflicts can actually be a good thing in the bigger picture, as they can create development and positive changes that might not have occurred otherwise. Photo of a small green sprout / plant in soil.

 

2. If a conflict can be turned into a form of cooperation or mutual support, it will benefit both parties and can lead to development, growth, joy, and a higher quality of life for everybody involved.

In other words, in the big picture conflicts can actually be a good thing, as they can create positive changes that might otherwise not have occurred. However, this requires that the parties have the right attitude and choose to be open and willing to learn from the situation and are committed to a mutually beneficial solution.

Conflict Management Is about Both Conflict Behavior and Ensuring a Good Process

Conflict management can be viewed from several angles. In this article, we will look at it as:

1) The way individuals or groups behave in conflicts. In this context, we are talking about functional or dysfunctional conflict behavior.

– Dysfunctional behavior maintains or escalates the conflict … without the parties learning anything
– Functional behavior de-escalates or resolves the conflict … and the parties learn something

In other words: Conflicts can be constructive, provided that the parties consciously choose to become wiser, learn something, and grow, as well as become more skilled and effective at managing and resolving conflicts.

This includes, among other things, standing by yourself, your needs, and boundaries (dysfunctional handling of these elements is often the starting point of conflicts, which you can read more about here).

2) Ensuring good overall process management. The process should be optimally managed to ensure that certain areas / points are covered, which again ensures good overall handling of the conflict, ideally leading to a successful resolution.

The parties can either manage this themselves or with the help of, for example, a conflict mediator or conflict coach.

In the following, we will cover both aspects but we will start with conflict behavior. We will examine how individuals, groups, or organizations may more or less consciously choose to act in conflicts.

Behavior in Conflicts – The 5 Conflict Management Styles

Researchers point out that there are five typical reactions to conflict, sometimes referred to as ‘styles’ of conflict management. These ‘styles’ not only have their own advantages and disadvantages but also have benefits and drawbacks depending on what you aim to achieve.

In other words, some styles may be more suitable than others in different situations depending on what you want to get out of the conflict. In essence, you can choose to use these styles strategically in relation to the outcome you wish to achieve.

“I Compete and Must Win” (The Competing Style)

“I compete and must win.” A conflict behavior that is extremely demanding for both parties. It is suboptimal if one wishes to maintain a good relationship with the other party. Drawing of a girl and a boy playing chess, where the girl wins and the boy loses. Partially AI-generated.

Here, you are assertive and uncooperative, pursuing your own goals at the expense of others. This style escalates conflicts and is damaging to the relationship.

It can also be described as a win-lose situation. One party attempts to win the conflict through dominance and power, and if successful, the other party is a clear loser. This not only escalates the conflict but can also lead to its recurrence at a later time (“We want revenge!”).

Therefore, this style is not recommended if you want to maintain a good relationship with the other party. However, if the other party is, for example, a competing firm, this style may be more suitable and could yield results, especially in the short term.

This competitive approach is best used …

… When all other methods have been tried (and failed).
… When you do not wish to maintain a good relationship with the other party (e.g., because it is a competitor).
… In emergencies and in the short term, where immediate and decisive action is required.
… In situations where unpopular changes are necessary, and discussion is undesirable.

The competitive approach is extremely demanding for both parties: They will spend a lot of time, attention, energy – and possibly money – trying to win. And if they lose, they will not only gain nothing; they will lose something and often spend even more resources trying to fix the situation.

“I Adapt” (The Accommodating Style)

In this strategy, there is an element of self-sacrifice. You yield and accommodate the other party’s wishes and demands without satisfying your own. This ‘style’ or approach is the opposite of the “I compete and must win” approach, but it is still a lose / win situation: One party loses voluntarily and allows the other party to win.

This conflict management style has the significant disadvantage that your own needs are not met, thus weakening your self-esteem, while you become increasingly frustrated and angry over time.

Therefore, the accommodating approach should only be used in the short term and only when the relationship with the other party is more important than the issue at hand. Or, of course, if you truly do not care about the outcome.

The accommodating style is best …

… When the issue or problem is not so important to the party adapting but is important to the other party.
… When the party adapting wants to preserve the relationship rather than “fight” over the issue.
… When the party adapting wants to show magnanimity.
… When the party adapting wants to encourage the other party to strengthen themselves and express their honest opinion (e.g., parents with their children).

The accommodating style naturally requires that the adapting party can let go of their wishes and demands – hopefully without accumulating too much bitterness and anger.

“I avoid” (The Avoiding Style)

"I avoid." A conflict behavior that results in the issues of the conflict remaining unresolved. Drawing of an ostrich burying its head in the sand. Partially AI-generated.

This approach to conflict is about bypassing problems or simply withdrawing from threatening situations. Neither party does anything to resolve the conflict’s issues, meaning that they remain unresolved. You will typically have a mindset that is insecure and not cooperative or solution-oriented.

There can be an advantage to this behavior when it is beneficial to delay handling the situation or when the issue at hand is not important.

This avoiding approach is best used …

… When all parties believe the problem is minor and will likely resolve itself in due time.
… When the parties need a chance for a time-out separated from each other to ‘cool down’.
… When the parties need more time before focusing on addressing the issues.
… When the impact of addressing the situation could potentially be harmful to all involved.
… When the parties believe that others are better equipped to resolve the conflict more effectively than they are themselves.

The avoiding approach does not require much – essentially just “closing your eyes” to the problems.

“I Compromise” (The Compromising Style)

This approach aims to find a mutually acceptable solution – a compromise – that partially satisfies both parties in the conflict. In other words, it’s a “I’ll give a little, and you’ll give a little, and neither of us will be completely satisfied, but we can live with it.”

If you just need to make a decision and find some form of resolution to move forward, this approach is fine. However, it has the drawback of not really satisfying either party fully. Each party gains something they want while giving up something as well.

The compromising style is best …

… When you want to find a temporary solution in more complicated matters.
… When all parties have equal say, and the conflict is stalemated, so you just need a workable solution.
… When time is limited, or there are other circumstances that call for a quick result.
… When the parties want to maintain their relationship with each other and are willing to find common ground through compromise.

The compromising style also requires a fair amount from participants, particularly flexibility, trust, and commitment.

“I Collaborate” (The Collaborating Style)

“I collaborate.” A conflict behavior suitable for creating results and win-win situations. Drawing of a father and daughter working together on a puzzle. Partially AI-generated.

In this approach, the mindset is to find solutions that satisfy everyone. The behavior is a combination of being assertive and cooperative. This style is considered the opposite of the “I Avoid” style and is well-suited for creating results, even in the long term.

It can be said that this is the best conflict management style because it creates win-win situations that are advantageous for all parties.

The collaborating style is most effective …

… When all parties want the best possible solution.
… When parties with very different backgrounds and experiences are involved, making the situation complex.
… When the parties are trying to find the source and core of long-standing problems and conflicts.
… When the parties want to maintain their relationship with each other while upholding their goals and interests, i.e., without compromising too much.
… When all parties are willing to brainstorm and explore alternative solutions together that they may not have considered on their own.
… When all parties are willing to use empathy and try to understand each other’s situation.

The collaborating style requires openness, trust, and commitment from all parties – but it also yields the best results for everyone.

Below is a model (also known as the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument) that illustrates how different types of conflict behaviors relate to each other and to the parameters of “Assertiveness” and “Cooperativeness.”

Thomas-Kilmann's conflict model over the five types of behavior in a conflict.

The Point: Choose the Behavior That Gives You Your Desired Outcome!

The style you lean towards is rooted in your own consciousness, and therefore influences your thoughts, communication, choices, and actions.

If you cannot immediately identify which of these styles or approaches to conflict you instinctively and typically use, you can, for example, reveal it with a type of test, some of which are mentioned here.

The point of learning more about (becoming more aware of) your own behavior in conflicts is that with increased understanding, you can become more flexible and conscious, and in any conflict situation, choose the behavior that will give you the result you prefer.

Ensuring a Good Process in Conflicts (Good Conflict Management)

Good conflict management must ensure certain things for the involved parties. In the following sections, we will present three different ways to ensure good conflict management.

The first two methods are the more official ones most conflict experts and mediators agree create a good process for conflict resolution. These first two suggestions are not fundamentally different from each other – they are just two different perspectives on the same process.

The last one is our own suggestion. We do not disagree with the official suggestions; our approach is just a bit different and more fundamental, as it is based on creating awareness as the primary conflict management tool.

Ensuring Mental, Emotional, and Behavioral Dimensions in Conflict Management
– Official Approach 1 to Conflict Resolution

It is said that there are three dimensions in conflicts that need to be checked to ensure that a given resolution of a conflict addresses them:

The mental or cognitive dimension, which is about understanding and addressing beliefs, attitudes, opinions, perspectives, and backgrounds, etc. In other words, it is about the mental awareness of all elements of the conflict: what is happening according to whom and why?

Many conflicts start in this dimension (the mental) and then spread to the subsequent two dimensions. Because this dimension is so fundamental, it is very important to include it in any resolution. That is, all involved parties should have a clear ‘narrative’ of the conflict and its resolution in their minds that makes positive, constructive sense to them.

The emotional or affective dimension, which naturally deals with the feelings that have been aroused in the parties. For instance, one party might want the other party to understand their feelings, and / or there may be a deeply felt need for a sincerely meant apology.

Feelings can be seen as energy, and conflicts can lock this energy in the respective parties. A good resolution to a conflict includes acknowledgment and respect for your own and others’ feelings so that this energy can be released.

The behavioral or concrete dimension is that which everyone can observe, namely how the parties behave in practice – their actions.

To resolve a conflict, it is typically necessary for both parties to change their patterns of action (including e.g. habits and communication) both during and after the conflict resolution.

Model for securing the three dimensions in a conflict: the mental, emotional, and action-oriented.

Ensuring All Sub-Processes in the Larger Process
– Approach 2 to Official Conflict Resolution

Good conflict management involves:

– identifying the parties’ different viewpoints, interests, goals, values, and conflict management styles
– communicating these things openly and respectfully
– listening respectfully to different opinions, perspectives, feelings, demands, interests, goals, etc.
and
– ensuring that the mental, emotional, and behavioral dimensions are addressed
– working constructively towards reconciliation and a mutually acceptable solution
– potentially getting help from a mediator or another neutral third party

Handling these points well is very important, but there is also a deeper and more effective way to view it, which we will present below.

This approach to conflict management and resolution is based on some key principles that lie behind the above points, but if you start with these principles, conflict management can actually become easier, faster, and more effective.

The Fundamental Principles of Good Conflict Management and Resolution
– Our Approach Which Lies Behind the Official Answers

In essence, the best form of conflict management is based on the following important, fundamental principles:

1. We are all human, and we all have the right to be who we are. This means we should not have to change ourselves, have something thrust upon us, or have adjust to something that is not in line with who we are or want to be.

2. We all have the right to ensure that our boundaries are respected and our needs are met. It is always our own responsibility to communicate this and ensure it.

3. We all have a consciousness, which governs us all and it is therefore in our consciousness we can make the greatest difference. By strengthening our consciousness (through insight, learning, and willpower), we can learn to handle and resolve all our conflicts – and even completely avoid them in the future.

4. We also all have a will, which will ultimately determine whether the conflict will be resolved or not. The will to achieve a positive resolution is nothing less than CRUCIAL for a successful conflict resolution process.

The four principles of good conflict management and resolution. Frame with flowers, Art Nouveau style. Partially AI-generated.

This was the very short version of what is required to ensure good conflict resolution. In the following, we will delve deeper into the above principles and add some more principles that we also think are important.

Elaboration of the Principles for Good Conflict Management

Conflict resolution aims to bring the conflict to an end and get things working again so that the parties can get what they need. Conflict management ensures a good process in conflict resolution.

Our experience is that all conflicts can be resolved, provided the parties have the will to do so. If the parties lack the will, they can potentially be motivated through increased conscious awareness (e.g., insight into what the conflict truly ‘costs’ and what freedom from conflict can provide).

Furthermore, all parties in a conflict can get what they really need. Any good solution ensures this. Plus, the less compromise and the more “win-win” a solution contains, the better it will be.

All conflicts are based on misunderstandings. These misunderstandings are due to a lack of awareness and consequently dysfunctional and problematic beliefs, thoughts, feelings, experiences, choices, and behaviors. Therefore, the most effective and lasting solution to conflicts is always based on increasing the parties’ awareness and teaching them to use it better and more efficiently.

In the following, we will present our suggestion on what it takes to ensure effective conflict management and resolution. It essentially boils down to a few key things, namely:

– Consciousness (awareness)
– Use of consciousness (awareness)
– Will (which is part of consciousness)
– Choice (which we use will for)
– Truth and reality (which are the same thing; you can call it “that-which-is”)
– Trust
– Needs
– Action (behavior, including communication)

Let’s briefly look at each of them …

Consciousness
– More Consciousness Creates Greater Understanding and Insight into the Conflict

The interesting question here is: How much conscious awareness do the two parties have? If the parties in a conflict do not have much conscious awareness, then they naturally think, feel, and act rather unconsciously. This often means irrational, inappropriate, and conflict-creating behavior.

Additionally, with limited conscious awareness, the parties do not see the truth and reality (that-which-is), but only selected parts of the truth and reality. More precisely, the parties only see the parts that align with whatever their consciousness is currently focused on and locked into.

In other words: The parties only see things that confirm their own limited and limiting beliefs. The expression “If the only tool you have is a hammer, it is tempting to treat everything as if it were a nail” illustrates this concept: Limited awareness gives a limited perspective, which in turn leads to limited possibilities for solving challenges.

The most useful thing one can do when resolving a conflict is to increase the level of awareness among the parties involved. Photo of a sunbeam shining through a forest.

The most useful thing you can do when wanting to resolve a conflict is simply to increase the ‘amount’ of consciousness in the parties. That is, ensure that both parties (or just one, if the other is unwilling) become aware … of themselves, of the other party, of various larger contexts, and of the specific situation the parties are in.

The more consciousness that can be brought into a conflict, the faster and easier it will be resolved – even when only one party in the conflict becomes more aware. Consciousness is simply the thing that allows the parties to get what they want, without a “fight”.

Working with consciousness in conflict resolution offers the following benefits:

– you will be better able to see the big picture
– you will understand more about yourself and others (including the other party in the conflict)
– you will understand more about life in general (including authenticity, wholeness, and balance)
– you will discover and choose what you actually need
– you will become more accommodating and pleasant to be around – and communicate better
– you will become freer from fear and other unpleasant states of being (anxiety, depression, etc.)
– you will make better choices
– you will act more functionally and effectively
– you will achieve better results, faster
– you will have a significantly more pleasant experience of your entire life (a better life experience)
– you will create a better life in practice (with family, relationships, work, home, money, etc.)

More and higher awareness, used better, is the ultimate form of problem and conflict resolution. This is true both individually and collectively.

Using Consciousness
– We Can Consciously Choose to Create Solutions for the Benefit and Joy of all Parties Involved

Here is the interesting question: How do the two parties use the consciousness they have? To put it very bluntly and simply, one can say that consciousness can be used in one of two ways:

– You can use your consciousness to create wholeness in balance, which works
or
– You can use your consciousness to create separation and imbalance, which does not work

In this context, works = solutions that benefit everyone, while does not work = everything else, including solutions that only benefit one party.

Conflict resolution is not about competition and struggle but about cooperation and mutual benefit. If in a conflict situation you believe you are in a battle and must “win over” the other party, you almost certainly will not resolve your conflict. On the contrary, you will extend and intensify the conflict.

Conflict resolution is about using consciousness constructively, not destructively.

Will
– If Everyone Has the Will to Resolve Matters, Then the Conflict WILL Be Resolved

Will is crucial. In its simplicity, there are two possibilities: Either you want to resolve the conflict, or you do not.

If both parties want to resolve the conflict and more consciousness is brought to the table, then the conflict WILL be resolved. Every single time.

Choice
– Consciousness and Will Will Pave the Way for Constructive Choices

Making choices is arguably the most important use of our free will. Some choices lead to less conflict, while others lead to more.

Using consciousness deliberately will clarify which choices lead to what. As mentioned above, the best choices are those that lead to wholeness, balance, constructive collaboration, and mutual benefit, as these are the things that work for everyone and resolve conflicts.

Truth and Reality
– All Parties Are Right in Their Own Reality, and Together We Will Find a Greater Reality

Everyone is right in their own reality, but together we can find a greater reality. Photo of a tree through the four seasons.

The parties in a conflict often find “themselves in the trenches” and either unconsciously or consciously choose to see only one side of the issue. However, truth and reality are larger than that.

Usually, both parties in a conflict have entirely legitimate reasons for having different beliefs, opinions, needs, and goals than the other party. This means: Both parties are right. And THAT is the truth and reality!

Being able to see this is one of the things that consciousness does: It helps both parties see each other’s reality and a greater truth and reality, and use that as a basis for finding solutions that work for everyone.

Trust
– Without Trust in Yourself, There Is no Trust in Others

When there is a conflict, the parties’ trust in each other is usually quite low, but surprisingly, the same can be true for the parties’ trust in themselves and in life.

This insecurity can be one of the reasons why the parties feel the need to defend themselves and end up in a conflict. If on a fundamental level you don’t truly believe in or trust yourself, there will also be little trust in others.

We humans are social animals. We survive and thrive when we collaborate. And that requires trust. We gain this trust when we increase our own awareness, allowing us to better understand ourselves and the other party in the conflict. Awareness leads to self-confidence and self-esteem, which in turn leads to a greater degree of trust in all relationships. This makes conflict resolution much easier.

Needs
– The Starting Point for Many Conflicts Is Unmet Needs

Everyone has needs. This includes the parties in a conflict. Compared to, for example, beliefs, opinions, and goals, needs are more fundamental: they lie underneath. They are motivations and driving forces, but they are often more or less unconscious.

In other words: Even though the parties in a conflict may not be aware of it, the desire to fulfill needs is one of the main reasons for their beliefs, opinions, goals, and behavior.

This means: The parties’ needs – even those they have not fully recognized or are aware of – can be one of the primary causes of the conflict.

Which again means:

Making the parties’ actual needs conscious is crucial for finding a solution.

Furthermore, there is a high likelihood that a solution will involve fulfilling the parties’ actual needs in a different way than they (unconsciously) expected, and which was the cause of the conflict.

One of the goals in conflict therapy, counseling and resolution is to identify the unmet needs and desires underlying the immediate problem. Often, what the conflict is about is not the fundamental issue. The problem is typically the underlying need.

And once you can identify the needs, communicate them to each other, and thus create understanding (including acceptance of differences), everything suddenly becomes much easier.

Action
– New Behavior Is Usually Easy; Effective Communication Often Needs Training

Once the parties has become more consciously aware and have found a solution that both parties can live with – or even better, benefit from – they will need to put the solution into practice. The parties must show each other that they have changed their behavior because they are committed to the solution.

This often happens more easily than expected because once each of the parties’ consciousness has become more clear, actions and new behavior will naturally follow. However, in the beginning, it can be a good idea to proceed gradually … to take small steps so both parties will feel comfortable in the new situation.

But again: cooperation works better than conflict – it requires fewer resources and yields better results, so the parties are usually quite happy and motivated by the new behavior.

Regarding communication, the picture is somewhat more nuanced. While non-verbal language (body language and demeanor) generally falls into place well when the parties are more clear, verbal language (written and spoken) is largely influenced by habit.

Thus, non-conflictual communication is simply a skill: there is something to learn. We refer to it as ‘conscious language use’, but others call it different things; for example, Marshall B. Rosenberg calls his special version ‘nonviolent communication’ or ‘giraffe language.’

Model of Giraffe Language: Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. The Four Steps.

The above is how we, Birgitte and Søren, view conflicts, conflict management, and conflict resolution. It forms the basis for the unconventional approach that we use, which we will describe in more detail in the following sections.

Good Conscious Life’s Approach to Conflict Management and Resolution

Overall, we believe there are two levels of conflict resolution:

1. Basic conflict resolution (or: fundamental conflict resolution) is where the parties find a solution that they can both tolerate or accept and more or less live with in practice.

2. Optimal conflict resolution is where the parties find a so-called “win-win” solution that both are pleased with, because they both get what they need and perhaps even have a good relationship with each other and can collaborate and / or support each other going forward.

Clearly, level 2, with a “win-win” solution, is the most desirable and beneficial, so it makes sense to aim for that.

In our work here at Good Conscious Life we always work to lift consciousness and create authenticity, wholeness, and balance via working with will and intention, choice, responsibility, truth and reality, trust, needs, communication, and behavior.

However, the methods and approaches in the process are never the same twice; everything is always 100% tailored to those we work with.

Besides our competence as mediators, no conflict resolution happens if the parties do not genuinely desire it. It may sound like a trivial insight, but the positive intention to create a mutually good solution is truly crucial:

No will, no result.

Therefore, we often spend a fair amount of time at the beginning working with the parties individually to raise their awareness – especially in relation to their will and intention.

Here are three questions we often start with:

– Do you really want a solution?
– Are you okay with it being one that benefits all parties?
– Are you willing to let go of beliefs and habits that stand in the way of a mutually good solution?

Three questions we often begin our conflict resolution with. Frame with flowers, Art Nouveau style. Partially AI-generated.

Many people are willing to quickly say yes to the first question and (perhaps somewhat reluctantly) also to the second. However, the third question might take a bit longer to answer. Because who wants to let go of their feelings, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, images, and arguments painstakingly built up about each other during the conflict?

But if you truly want to find a mutually good solution, you will probably realize that the stories and beliefs about the other party (and yourself) matter less. The desire for a solution outweighs the beliefs.

While the first thing we check for is willingness and intention, the next is motivation.

We make sure to motivate people – and even if we only manage to motivate one party and not the other one, it will likely still make a significant difference in the conflict because we work with a very powerful “tool,” namely, consciousness.

Consciousness can literally change everything for the person who becomes more conscious. And when one party in a conflict lifts his / her consciousness, the entire basis of the conflict change.

When it comes to expanding consciousness, the connection is simple: the greater the expansion of consciousness, the easier it will be to resolve the conflict. (And yes, this is true even if only one party becomes more conscious).

We Use Conscious Awareness as a Conflict Resolution Tool

The reason why conscious awareness is so important in conflicts is simple:

It is conscious awareness that creates and resolves conflicts.

When there is not enough consciousness, misunderstandings arise. These misunderstandings lead to unpleasant and dysfunctional beliefs, thoughts, feelings, experiences, choices, and behaviors.

Combine these with unmet desires and needs, and you have a powder keg of potential conflicts.

Most conflicts are based on unawareness combined with (often unconscious) unmet needs.

The solution is consciousness: to give oneself more conscious awareness and learn to use it better.

The way we work with consciousness is to expand it. When you expand your consciousness, it becomes larger. A greater consciousness understands more and functions better.

The first step in consciousness expansion is often to strengthen the will, and the second step is to eliminate various misunderstandings, especially those that limit consciousness.

It is about freeing your consciousness from, for example, old traumas and old consciousness programming.

This means that it’s a good idea to unlearn as many misunderstood, limiting, and inappropriate things in your consciousness as possible, such as old beliefs and convictions.

Then, it’s about gaining more insight (understanding more about who you (and others) are, what life is, and how everything actually connects and functions), choosing what is actually important, and moving towards empowerment, authenticity, and wholeness in (inner and outer) balance.

Plus, of course, learning and using some good, concrete tools, tips, and tricks to create a higher quality of life with a better life experience and a better life in practice (relationships, family, work, money, housing, etc.).

When the parties – or just one party – in a conflict have given themselves more consciousness and learned to use it more appropriately, then large parts of the conflict are already resolved. It sounds a bit incredible, but it is true. We have seen it again and again with the people we have helped.

We Understand You from Within

When people come to us to resolve a conflict, it will result in increased awareness. All parties who meet us will come to understand themselves, each other, and life better.

To this end, we also have a special ability: once we have gotten to know you a bit, we can put ourselves in your shoes and so to speak “be” you — that is, understand you from within.

Both of us can do this, but Birgitte has a completely natural and special talent for it. She can even speak for people who cannot express what they want themselves and use almost the exact words they would have used.

The point here is that insight into your own and others’ needs creates understanding and empathy, and lays the best possible foundation for conflict management and resolution: the fact that everyone can get what they most want … often in completely different (and better) ways than they expected.

The short version is that we use consciousness for problem-solving, conflict management, and conflict resolution because it is the most effective approach available.

Conflict Management and Resolution for Only One Party

If the will is lacking in only one party, the other party can usually achieve quite a lot with conflict resolution alone.

It is surprising what positive outcomes can result when one party in a (“normal”) conflict chooses to increase his / her awareness. Something shifts, also in relation to the other party, and solutions typically come much closer.

So if you are involved in a (again, “normal”) conflict where the other party seemingly refuses to change anything, you can greatly benefit from seeking out conflict resolution experts yourself.

We have reached the end of this article on good conflict management and resolution. If you wish to learn more about conflict resolution, such as the practical process, you are welcome to dive into some of the conflict articles we link to below.

 

Other Pages Related to This Topic

How do you handle conflict?Conflict resolution strategies. Cat peeking over a table.

How Do You Handle Conflict?
– Good Advice on Practical Conflict Management

What is a conflict? Image of a man and a woman engaged in a tug of war. Partially AI-generated.

What Is a Conflict and Why Does It Happen?
– Why Do We Disagree? The Fundamental Reasons

Theories about conflict. A camera lens through which you see the world.

Theories about Conflict Management and Conflict from Different Scientific Disciplines and Topics
– The Big Picture

The conflict escalation model. Image of a staircase with seven steps for time the conflict escalates.

The Conflict Escalation Model
– This Is What Happens When Conflicts Escalate!

Go to the Article Library: Articles on Personal Development – An Online Library on Consciousness and Personal Development

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