By Birgitte Coste
Life is often referred to as a school, a game, or a play. In other words, it’s something with a kind of framework and some rules that we must follow if we want to participate.
If we consider life as such, as a form of thought experiment, it would also imply that if we choose to follow these rules (they can also be seen as learning processes) to the best of our ability and do our best, there is a good chance that we will do well and create a good life.
Okay, so far, so good. Let’s take it a bit further …
Imagine if there were indeed some ultimate guidelines, some basic rules of life, that, if we understood and followed them, could lead us to the best life experience and the best life in practice? Thus, allowing us to experience all that we long for, such as joy, love, meaning, wholeness, and inner peace.
Wouldn’t that be amazing?
Well, I’m excited to tell you that an attempt to create such simple rules of life actually already exists, and that is what I will share with you in this article.
In fact, I won’t just share them with you. Each time I present a rule, I will extract what I consider to be the most important theme and turn it into yet another rule, guideline, or learning process.
This means that you will receive not just one set of rules, but two. 😊
Sometimes You Will Find Gold in Your Mess
How did I come across the idea of rules for life? Well, it started when I recently had to clean up some of my folders. As I flipped through my folder of various games and methods, I stumbled upon a piece of paper with these simple rules for being human:
1. You will receive a body.
2. You will be presented with lessons.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
4. The lesson is repeated until learned.
5. Learning does not end.
6. “There” is no better than “here”.
7. Others are only mirrors of you.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
9. Your answers lie inside of you.
10. You will forget all this at birth.
11. You can remember this if you choose to.
– Anonymous Author –
It had been over 15 years since I last saw them, so I re-read them, and although a lot has happened to me during that time, I found them just as good and wise now as they were then.
I decided to write about them and thought, “Ah, I should probably look into them a bit”. It turned out to be quite wise, as I discovered several things:
1) There are originally only ten rules, not eleven. However, I kept the eleventh rule you see above, as I believe it is important – perhaps even one of the most important rules.
2) The author turns out not to be anonymous; rather, the person who wrote the paper simply did not know who it was. So who might it be?
The Mysterious Author of the 10 Rules for Being Human
The 10 rules for being human have circulated on the internet for a long time – often without attribution to an author. This has led to much confusion – who, after all, said these wise words?
There are claims that they were originally written in Sanskrit and that we need to go back several thousand years to India to find the anonymous author. However, this does not seem to be the case. In fact, it appears that we need to go back only to the 1970s – and not to an ancient enlightened Indian sage, but to a young woman at the time who was training people in what we now call coaching.
It turns out that these 10 rules for being human were created by behavioral researcher Cherie Carter-Scott (also known as The Mother of Coaching) in connection with a three-month training program for consultants.
It took some years before these 10 rules of life became almost public property. In 1993, American author and motivational speaker Jack Canfield (in collaboration with others) published the famous book “Chicken Soup for the Soul,” where he mentions these rules. However, he was unaware that they were Cherie Carter-Scott’s words and thus referred to the author as anonymous. After this, her words were used widely – but without reference to her.
Later, Jack Canfield was informed by Dan Millman (American speaker and author of “The Way of the Peaceful Warrior”) that Cherie Carter-Scott was indeed the author. Jack quickly called Cherie to confirm, which she did. Jack apologized and promised to include her name in the next print edition.
It wasn’t until 1998 that the rules appeared in her own book “If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules”.
You can read this amusing little story here.
The 10 Rules of Life Explained More Deeply
There also exist in-depth explanations of these 10 rules. You can read them in the following. After each rule, I have distilled the essence to what I perceive is the core message.
“1. You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it’s yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what’s inside.”
In other words … Accept what cannot be changed! When you encounter something you dislike, you have three choices. You can leave it. You can change it. But if neither is possible, then accept it. Anything else leads to pain and suffering.
“2. You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them ‘is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life.”
In other words … Use your will to choose how you want to experience things! You can’t always control what you encounter, but the meaning of your experiences is your choice. Always.
“3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it’s inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you’d want.
Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement – of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine – it’s also ‘the act of erasing an emotional debt’. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour – especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps – are central to the perspective that ‘mistakes’ are simply lessons we must learn.”
In other words … Choose your interpretations wisely! Consciously choose to be open to learning, and let your conclusions contribute to a good life experience – or be a step towards it.
“4. The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons – they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them.
Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule.
Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance – ‘causality’ must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you.
Patience is required – change doesn’t happen overnight, so give change time to happen.”
In other words … Take full responsibility for your life! Decide not to be a victim. Choose that whatever happens in your life, your experience and your reaction to it are 100% your responsibility.
“5. Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the ‘rhythm of life’, don’t struggle against it.
Commit to the process of constant learning and change – be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.”
In other words … Surrender to change as a condition of life! Life consists of cycles that last for a while until they change. The world, emotions, and thoughts are constantly evolving. By accepting this, you will see opportunities rather than losses.
“6. “There” is no better than “here”. The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey.
Appreciate the abundance of what’s good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.”
In other words … Focus on and be in the present moment! Full presence right here, right now automatically creates a sense of gratitude and acceptance towards ‘that-which-is’.
“7. Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings.
Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.”
In other words … Be completely honest with yourself! Use your inner truth and discomfort radar to lovingly reflect everything back to yourself. In this way, you can change what doesn’t work for you – both in your own experience and in your behavior.
“8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don’t get angry about things – bitter memories clutter your mind.
Courage resides in all of us – use it when you need to do what’s right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.”
In other words … Your awareness is powerful and guided by your intention and will! You have unlimited power to create the life you desire. It simply requires that you consciously take responsibility for your life and use your will to make and follow through on the choices needed for you to experience and live as you wish.
“9. Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.”
In other words … Slow down and make space for intuition! Get to know your inner compass so you can more quickly and clearly sense what is right and wrong for you, here and now.
“10. You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities – our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence.
The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise – wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.”
In other words … Even when you feel out of balance, the door to higher consciousness is always kept ajar! The more stressed we are, and the more we blindly and uncritically listen to and believe in what is outside of ourselves, the more out of balance we will get. When we get out of balance, our consciousness constricts, and we feel powerless, stupid, like we don’t have a choice, can’t do anything, and have no idea where we want to go. When this happens, remember, everything is in flux, and that this is just an experience. It’s not the ultimate reality.
11. You can remember this if you choose to. This rule is not part of the official version but it fits in so well that I’ve included it. It tells us that if you have the intention of living a good life, you need to use your willpower to remind yourself of this … again and again. That’s why I’ve included it.
In other words … Your consistent use of your will and intention is crucial for your life experience. You can choose to REMEMBER these guidelines – even when it’s difficult. Even when you feel pain (which should be felt), choose to have some awareness. Decide that you will decide your experiences and what they mean.
Choosing the path to a good life experience and a good life in practiceis determined by you and no one else!
Here is the summary of the basic rules of life in slightly rewritten form:
1. Accept what cannot be changed!
2. Use your will to choose how you want to experience life!
3. Choose your interpretations carefully!
4. Take full responsibility for your life!
5. Surrender to change as a condition of life!
6. Focus on and be in the now!
7. Be completely honest with yourself!
8. Your awareness is omnipotent and ruled by your intention and will!
9. Slow down and give way to intuition!
10. Even when you are out of balance, the door to higher consciousness is always ajar!
11. Your consistent use of will and intention is paramount to your life experience. Choosing the path to a good life experience and a good life is determined by you and no one else!
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