Confucius jokes have next to nothing to do with the great Chinese thinker and social philosopher Confucius … confused?
Well, let’s just say that the funny ‘Confucius say’ jokes are about everything else but morality, correctness, justice, and sincerity – serious subjects which occupied the real Confucius quite a lot.
So why on earth are they called Confucious jokes … sorry, got
confused there, Confucius jokes?
Because …
• The good old Confucius liked his teachings to be
short and to the point …
funny Confucius quotes are sharp funny one liners.
• In "The Analects of Confucius" Confucius liked to play
with words and metaphors in which there would be several layers
of meaning … Confucius jokes often play on the double meanings
of words.
Other traits that
funny Confucius sayings have in common with … well, funny
Confucius sayings are:
• They always start with 'Confucius say', and no, not
Confucius says.
• They are often grammatically incorrect … probably
uttered the way the maker of the joke thinks some old Chinese
person would have.
• They most often possess various degrees of vulgarity and
dirtiness.
So if you're ready to for some light and crude humour rather
than heavy philosophy, go on, enjoy yourself. br />
Confucius Jokes That are up to Speed
Confucius say: Man who run in front of car get tired
Confucius say: Man who run behind car get exhausted
Confucius say: Man who drive like hell, bound to get
there!
Confucius say: Man who get hit by car, get that run down
feeling
Confucius Quotes about the Confusing Consequences of
Consummation
Confucius say: He who fish in other man's well often
catches crabs
Confucius say: State of pregnancy exist when woman takes
seriously something poked in fun.
Confucius say: Baby conceived in back seat of car with
automatic transmission, grow up to be shiftless bastard.
Confucius say: Man who bounce woman on bedspring this
spring, have offspring next spring.
Confucius Jokes about the Simple Joys of Clothing's
Potentials
Confucius say: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day
Confucius say: Panties not best thing on earth, but next
to it.
Confucius say: Man with hand in pocket is having a ball.
Confucius say: Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!
Confucius say: Woman who absentmindedly answer the door in
her nightie is "Negligent"
Funny Confucius Sayings That Make a Clean Breast of It
Confucius say: Man who suck woman's tit make clean breast
of things.
Confucius say: Man who want to catch a bra, should set a
boobie trap.
Confucius say: Woman who wears padded bra, makes mountains
out of molehills.
Confucius say: Man who pulls on woman's bra-strap, may get
bust in mouth.
Confucius Funny Sayings That Are Really Hot
Confucius say: Man who put cock on stove have hot rod.
Confucius say: He who stick head in oven get baked bean.
Confucius say: Man who sit on hot stove will rise again.
Confucius Say Jokes about Practical Hands-on Experiences
Confucius say: Man who plays with titty gets bust in
mouth.
Confucius say: Man in shower playing with tool not
necessarily plumber.
Confucius say: Man with one hand in pocket not necessarily
jingling change.
Confucius say: Boy who goes to bed with sex problem wake
up with solution in hand.
Confucius say: Is good to learn how to masturbate, may
come in handy!
Untouched and Pristine Confucius Sayings
Confucius say: Virginity like bubble. One prick – all
gone!
Confucius say: A virgin, sleeping on a waterbed is called
'cherry float'.
Confucius say: Virgin with thimble on finger, never feel
prick.
Confucius Sayings That Are a Real Mouthful
Confucius say: When called an idiot sometimes is better to
be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.
Confucius say: Man who shoot off mouth, must expect to
lose face.
Confucius say: Man with tool in woman's mouth not
necessarily dentist.
Confucius say: Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete's
tongue!
Confucius Jokes about Material Pleasures
Confucius say: Secretary not permanent fixture until
screwed on top of desk.
Confucius say: Man who live in glass house should change
in basement.
Confucius say: Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump
for joy.
Confucius say: Man who screws cook in pantry often gets
ass in jam.
Confucius say: Husband who sleep on couch last night, have
hard time today.
Confucius say: Man who fall into an upholstery machine,
eventually be fully recovered.
Confucius say: Man who sink into woman's arms soon have
arms in woman's sink.
Confucius Quotes That Warn You: 'Not Stick Nose in'
Confucius say: He who sniffs coke, gets ice cube up nose.
Confucius say: A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
Confucius say: Man who keeps nose to the grindstone, have
sharp boogers.
Confucius say: Man who walk with nose in air very easy to
hook.
Confucius say: Man who sneezes without tissue takes
matters in his own hands.
Funny Confucius Quotes Said in Sport
Confucius say: Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Confucius say: Girl should not marry basketball player: he
dribbles before he shoots.
Confucius say: Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.
Confucius say: Basketball player who marry midget lady
will be nuts over her.
Confucius say: Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
Confucius say: Hockey player on ice have big stick.
Random funny stuff from Confucius
Confucius say: Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
Confucius say: He who thinks only of number one must
remember this number is next to nothing.
Confucius say: Hole happy, whole body happy.
Confucius say: Man who snort coke, get bubbles up nose.
Confucius say: Wash your face in the morning, neck at
night.
Confucius say: Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.
Confucius say: Man who eats photo of father, soon
spitting-image of father.
Confucius say: Man with tight trousers is pressing his
luck.
Confucius say: Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe
ballroom.
Confucius say: Woman who slides down banister makes monkey
shine.
Confucius say: Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave
buddies behind.
Confucius say: Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same
pot is unsanitary.
Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around.
Confucius say: Find old man in dark, not hard!
Confucius say: Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Confucius say: If you want pretty nurse, you got to be
patient.
Confucius say: Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!
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Great Jokes
Short Funny Jokes
'Confucius Say' Jokes
Funny One Liners
Random funny jokes
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