Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you
don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Funny Birthday Messages by Jack Benny ~
Someone you know has a birthday. Did you buy them a present – or
create one for them?
Yes, you did? Good, now all you need is a great message to go
with it.
No, you didn't get (or create a homemade) present for them?
Well, writing birthday greetings is one of the best (and
cheapest) ways to give someone a heartfelt (and cheap) present
that you can be sure (you hope, you cheapskate) that they will
like.
(Actually no one likes a cheap present, oh wait, some do, but
no one likes a cheapskate, oh wait, no, sorry, no one likes a
cheapskate, but a lot of good folks probably like you in spite
of you being a cheapskate, if indeed you are – all the more
reason to make your birthday wishes creative, fun and personal).
Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
~ Funny Birthday Sayings ~
While birthday wishes and messages may or may not be the best
thing that you can give them, you may find that they will come
to appreciate some sincere, funny, foolish, or heartfelt
birthday greetings. It may be an investment of your time, but no
matter if you have a present for them or not, it will still be
something nice that you can do … and you know what? Time
doesn't always equal money, time can also equal love!
And if by some strange coincidence you DID buy them a present
(or decided to go with homemade gifts), adding birthday messages
is a great idea. But it DOES matter what KIND of birthday
message you come up with.
Everyone knows of the most traditional birthday greetings
that you can write for someone, stale lines like:
Happy Birthday!
Congratulations on another year!
Greetings on the day!
May this be the best year yet!
While these birthday greetings are usually fairly sincere,
they are present on almost every store bought birthday card (the
boring type, not the humorous birthday cards), and so most
people get bored, or even pretty sick and tired of these
same-old, same-old birthday greetings, and you too will realize
just how stale they can get if you write them on birthday cards
year after year (or if you are on the receiving end of them).
In order to be sure that you are not seen as a boring person
or bore the pants of the person having receiving the birthday
messages (unless of course you've always secretly dreamed the
other person would dispense with the pants), it is important
that you change things up every year. Here are a few
alternatives:
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then
you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your
fly. Exactly how far along the process are you? Happy Birthday,
Whats-yer-face!
~ Funny Happy Birthday Birthday Greeting ~
I know you have a birthday, but as a true friend I
have no idea of your age, I just know you're young and
wonderful!
~ Funny Happy Birthday Sayings ~
Happy Birthday! You're not getting older … just
wiser and more distinguished!
~ Funny Happy Birthday Sayings ~
We all grow older and wiser all the time, but you …
you've got the smart without looking the part!
~ Funny Birthday Greetings ~
Tips for Writing Birthday Messages
In order to be able to write a good birthday message on a
birthday card for a friend, you may consider learning a bit
about creative writing.
You don't have to start writing a novel just to be able to
write birthday greetings or make hilarious birthday cards, but
it is important that you follow four basic steps:
1) Don't be boring and write the same thing every year
2) Do be funny
3) Come up with something original (never seen before; at
least not by the recipient)
4) Don't be boring and write the same thing every year
It may look like the four tips are actually three, but you
have to remember that #1 is so important that it is placed there
twice to pound it into your head.
When you sit down to write birthday greetings, you may forget
what you wrote last year on the person's birthday card. Thus you
will end up writing the same "funny" line for the "hilarious
birthday cards" that you give each person year after year.
The recipient of such 'funny birthday cards' may eventually
come to dread your birthday cards, as they thought the joke was
mildly funny only the first year – or two – and after that it
just got tiresome. Here's a tip: Some people actually keep track
of what they wrote to whom. If you don't, just get creative
every time. Like this:
It's your birthday and I can't be there
But I'll send you a special birthday wish and a little prayer
Have a happy birthday
I hope that all of your birthday wishes come true
May you have a great time today and find happiness in everything
you do
~ Funny Birthday Poems and Birthday Verses ~
Or this, which is slightly more nasty:
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. So
when you act like you refuse to even admit you have a birthday
that makes you really special.
~ Funny Birthday Greetings ~
So, no matter if you're organized or not, you'll want to
write something different every year (no, changing a single word
or two doesn't count). If you don't know what to write, it is
important that you find a way to get creative. Learning about
creative writing means learning how to activate your brain and
get creative with it.
Or, it means finding original stuff on websites like this
one, and perhaps combining and mixing that stuff up in new and
creative ways. Look for a few sources of inspiration (like this
page and the other birthday pages on Quotescoop.com) to help you
come up with something that is funny, witty, creative, and
original.
How to Warm Up to Write Funny Birthday Phrases and Humorous
Birthday Cards
If you are going to start getting creative, it will require
more than just a dictionary and a list of birthday messages
like:
Happy Birthday, Buddy!
Have a great year!
Wishing you all the best this year.
Congratulations!
While these lines are definitely old classics, note the words
"old" and "classic" that indicate that these birthday wishes are
definitely about to kick the bucket (kind of like that 56'
Bronco that you, if you're a guy, have in your garage and your
spouse desperately wishes you would get rid of).
They have been used so many times that they have actually
worn a groove into computer screens, and you will find that
there are few birthday cards that don't feature some
amalgamation of those words. For example:
Birthday happy!
Have a great birth today!
Wishing you all the congratulations this best!
Best you all the year!
Buddy congratulations!
May this be the best year yet … and congratulations
on buddy being happy to celebrate young dreams to be a special,
perfect old party of wonderful!
Yep, it can be tiresome to see the same words used over and
over, but you can use them as long as you ALSO use something
else, as well. Like this, for instance:
Best Birthday, Big Bad Beautiful Buddy!
~ Funny Birthday Greetings ~
Wishing you a year filled with the same joy you bring
to others!
~ Funny Birthday Phrases ~
Happy Birthday form the heart
'Cause that's where all great wishes start
~ Funny Birthday Poems and Birthday Verses ~
Wishing you love and happiness as you turn sixteen.
That's sixteen Celcius, of course.
~ Funny Happy Birthday Phrases ~
You may think that all this seems like a lot to go through
just to write a few birthday greetings, but it is much better
than suffering through a fake smile someone plasters on their
face as they get the same Cuddly Birthday Bear card for the 15th
year in a row, right?
So, instead, get out your favorite joke or funny book (Dave
Barry is usually magical), and start reading some of the
funnies. Spend just a few minutes warming yourself up before you
even try to compose those new, unique birthday greetings.
To warm up you can also use such as the funny birthday quotes
from some of the greats:
As you get older three things happen. The first is
your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
~ Funny Birthday Quotes by Sir Norman Wisdom ~
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to
pick up speed.
~ Quotes about Birthdays by Charles Schultz ~
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the
people who have the most live the longest.
~ Funny Birthday Quotes by Larry Lorenzoni ~
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat
slowly, and lie about your age.
~ Quotes about Birthdays by Lucille Ball ~
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is
keeping it from creeping down into your body.
~ Funny Birthday Saying ~
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes
age just shows up all by itself.
~ Funny Birthday Quotes by Tom Wilson ~
You are only young once, but you can be immature for
a lifetime.
~ Quotes about Birthdays by John P. Grier ~
These humorous birthday quotes can help to inspire you and
give you some great ideas of things to put on your birthday
card.
Plus, laughing a lot will also help to make your handwriting
kind of squiggly, and there is a chance that it will come out
looking like elegant calligraphy (okay, so maybe you don't need
to hold your breath about that one).
After the Warm-up
Once you have warmed up with reading some birthday humor,
it's time to get down to the hard work of drinking a bit of
alcohol.
(Please skip this step if you are underage, part of AA, a
Mormon, or someone who just shouldn't or don't like to drink).
Yep, that's right. Trust us when we say that writing birthday
messages with a bit of beer or wine in you is always a lot more
fun, and the resulting messages – or birthday speeches – are
always a lot funnier (at least for you).
Of course the person who receives the speech "Beer is 6%
alcohol and BLEAAARGH …" as their birthday present may not
be too thrilled with the extra care you took to make it special.
In this case, just a single drink (or maybe two; three if you're
very large) can be just what you need to get your mind whirling
(it will definitely be spinning even if not from inspiration).
If at some point during your creative drinking binge you
reach the point where you're stumped because the bottle opener
won't make the screw-top top come off, it's time to stop. Odds
are you won't be writing anything creative, or indeed anything
at all. Not today, and certainly not tomorrow. Consider just
writing …
People are like red wine … Some turn to vinegar,
but you just improve with age.
~ Funny Happy Birthday Sayings ~
… and leave it at that.
Getting Down to Brass Tacks
Now that you have warmed up your hand by opening that bottle,
your sense of humor with the funny birthday messages, and your
mind by pouring alcohol into it, you are ready to actually get
down to the even harder work of writing the birthday message.
Of course, right about now you probably realize that you have
forgotten a pen and paper, so take a moment to go do that.
Now you're back, and you're ready to write. What the heck
comes next?
Ah yes, the birthday message. Get out your paper and your
pen, and start doodling on the paper to come up with some ideas
for funny birthday greetings. Maybe write down the three
funniest birthday jokes and/or funny birthday quotes so you have
a starting point.
Then, combine. Mix. Stir up those birthday jokes or birthday
quotations to make a new one, never seen before.
Either that, or you can just run to the store and purchase
some humorous birthday cards from the stationery section. No, we
don't mean for you to use those birthday cards directly, not
unless you have to.
Once you have gotten your birthday cards, look at the funny
messages on the cards, and let your brain run wild as you try to
mix them up and think of some weird, fun, crazy things to write.
Like maybe:
Happy birthday to you. Look forward to a fun future
with friends. Oh, and I'll try to make it when I can.
Things That You Should NOT Write
Writing the wrong birthday message is almost as bad as
forgetting a birthday present (you forgot didn't you?!), so be
careful of what you actually put on the card. Write a rough
draft first. Or, even better, several rough drafts.
The card you end up with should probably be mildly (or: very)
funny, but it shouldn't say something that is too offensive –
depending on the recipient, of course. Your birthday messages
can pretty much say whatever you want, but be wary of straying
from the sarcastic and funny territory deep into the slanderous
and offensive territory.
Here are some funny birthday greetings you should probably
NOT to write on your birthday card:
Your birthday again? Dammit, why does this keep
happening year in and year out?
Having a birthday again? Careful about doing that. If
you do it too often you may end up cashing in your chips!
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Greetings ~
18, huh? Nice …
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Phrases ~
Turning 26, huh? Again? Nice …
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Phrases ~
Your birthday (again): One more year of existence
down the drain. Happy Birthday!
~ Provocative, Funny Happy Birthday Greetings ~
Yeah, yeah, big deal, it's your birthday. Why do we
make such a big deal out of it when it's not even a national
holiday?
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Greetings ~
What goes up and never comes down? Your age!
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Sayings ~
Man, I can't wait until you finally croak, Grandma,
as I REALLY want that inheritance!
I got this card and wrote this stupid message because
my mom made me.
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Greetings ~
Remember, offensive is not the idea (unless you are actually
trying to offend, and, if so, it may cause you to wonder why
you're invited to the party anyways. ARE you in fact invited to
a party? If not, you may want to reconsider your choice of
birthday messages).
Relax and have fun with writing the card, but if you hate
writing and you took our not-very-healthy advice about having a
drink, don't let the alcohol or your annoyance dictate too much
of what you are going to write. The idea is to be funny, but be
wary of trying to be too funny (and, of course, of telling that
same old joke over and over again every year).
Another thing to keep in mind is that throwing together all
the principle "birthday words" (i.e. happy, congratulations,
wish, best, etc.) is not going to make a stellar birthday card.
You need a little extra. Sort of like this – or not:
Still haven't bitten the big one, huh? Well don't
worry, one day you will. Until then: Happy birthday!
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Wishes ~
Having a birthday again? Well, okay, but don't make a
habit of it!
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Sayings ~
With age comes wisdom. And you're one of the wisest
people I know!
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Sayings ~
This is your special day and who knows, it may be the
last one. So please: Enjoy it!
~ Provocative, Funny Birthday Greetings ~
Another year gone by, and hey, you still haven't
kicked the bucket! Happy birthday!
~ Provocative, Funny Happy Birthday Greeting ~
Now that you know what not to do (though in all fairness you
probably didn't need to be told what not to write, but we had
fun writing all that stuff), it's time to get down to the things
that you actually SHOULD include in your humorous birthday cards
and funny birthday messages.
Things That You SHOULD Write
Writing great birthday messages has a lot to do with being
honest, loving and sincere, a lot to do with being slightly
funny, and, barring those too-close friends with whom you are
constantly being offensive anyways, it has nothing at all to do
with offending the person.
Birthday cards are all the same
That just seems an awful shame
But this one's different from the start
Since it traveled from the heart.
~ Funny Birthday Poems and Birthday Verses ~
If you are going to poke fun at the person who is suffering
through another year of stale birthday cards and completely
unwanted birthday presents ("Oh, look, another woolen sweater!
I'll treasure this and wear it always despite the 110 F Arizona
heat!"), make sure to do it in a way that they will actually
come to enjoy.
For example, why not consider adding or adapting some of the
following messages for the happy birthday card you are
struggling to write:
You are a blessing in disguise, my friend.
~ Funny Birthday Greetings ~
I will stay with you forever and ever, or at least
until the birthday cake is eaten.
~ Funny Birthday Phrases ~
Thank you for these 10 years of friendship, and for
the 20 years of acquaintanceship.
~ Funny Birthday Greetings ~
You used to jump off the couch, jog five miles and
end with a snack in the kitchen. Now you use a short cut to the
kitchen. Happy Birthday Old Timer!
~ Funny Birthday Message ~
You have always been there for me, even when I really
didn't want it.
~ Funny Birthday Greetings ~
You can always lean on me, but I may lean back (and I
weigh more).
~ Funny Birthday Message ~
These are all hilarious birthday greetings that you can add
to your birthday cards, and you may just be able to find a great
card that has the exact illustrations and pictures that you need
to make these birthday messages unforgettable. If not, you can
also make one yourself, using birthday clip art – or even make a
drawing of your own, for a totally unique birthday cards. Can't
draw? Who cares? It's the thought that counts!
Remember, tailor the message to the person who is getting the
card. Your 5 year old will have no idea what it means to be
"over the hill rather than buried under it", while Grandma may
not understand the Snoop Dogg-themed birthday cards.
More Birthday Humor
Birthday humor is always a lot of fun, and there are in fact
people who make a living from providing it (yes siree, being a
professional writer of greeting cards is a
job you can aspire to!) … which is why so many people buy
the funny birthday cards at their local grocery store or some
such place.
They're funny in a professional way, or some of them are.
(We saw one that, on the front page, asked how you make an
idiot accept a postponement and on the inside answered 'I will
tell you later').
But if you find that you (and the recipient) enjoy a better
laugh from something unique and homemade, here's some more
birthday humor you can use – directly or for inspiration:
Scientists have found a strong correlation between
the number of birthdays you have and your life expectancy.
Here's to your growing life expectancy!
~ Funny Birthday Wishes ~
Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on
and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?
~ Funny Birthday Quotes by Bobby Kelton ~
Losing some of your visual acuity as you get older is
nature's way of hiding all of the wrinkles that you would see
when you look in the mirror.
~ Funny Birthday Message ~
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar
doctrine that age brings wisdom.
~ Funny Quotes about Birthdays by Henry L. Mencken ~
It's not about age, it's about attitude.
~ Funny Birthday Message ~
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the
people who have the most live the longest.
~ Funny Birthday Quotes by the Reverend Larry Lorenzoni
~
Life has got to be lived – that's all there is to it.
At seventy, I would say the advantage is that you take life more
calmly. You know that 'this, too, shall pass!'
~ Funny Happy Birthday Quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt ~
Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more
cake.
~ Funny Birthday Message ~
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would
triple its value every year. I told him, At my age, I don't even
buy green bananas.
~ Funny Birthday Quotes by Claude D. Pepper ~
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want
for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
~ Funny Birthday Sayings ~
At times is it seems that I am living my life
backward, and that at the approach of old age my real youth will
begin. My soul was born covered with wrinkles – wrinkles that my
ancestors and parents most assiduously put there and that I had
the greatest trouble removing.
~ Birthday Quotes by Andre Gide ~
I want to be an artist
To paint pictures just for you,
So when each birthday comes around,
I can send you quite a few.
~ Funny Birthday Poems and Birthday Verses ~
My heart is like a singing bird …
Because the birthday of my life
Is come, my love is come to me.
~ Cute Birthday Quotes by Christine Rossetti ~
And the last one our funny birthday messages comes from Lewis
Carroll's 'Through the Looking Glass' (the sequel to 'Alice in
Wonderland'), where Alice is taking to Humpty Dumpty, and she
says:
"I mean, what is an un-birthday present?"
"A present given when it isn't your birthday, of course."
Alice considered a little. "I like birthday presents best," she
said at last.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" cried Humpty Dumpty.
"How many days are there in a year?"
"Three hundred and sixty-five," said Alice.
"And how many birthdays have you?"
"One."
~ Birthday Quote by Lewis Carroll ~
Where Would You Like to Go Next?
Birthday Quotes
Your Guide to the Perfect Happy Birthday Quotes Funny
Happy Birthday Sayings and Empowering Age Quotes
Happy Birthday Quotes: Lots of happy birthday quotes,
funny quotes on age along with an outline of the history of
birthdays
Funny 50th Birthday Quotes: and Funny Birthday Saying
about Age that Shed a Positive Light on Getting Older
Funny Birthday Quotes: Lots of funny birthday quotes,
plus the history of birthday cake.
Birthday Sayings
Funny Birthday Sayings: Lots of funny birthday sayings
and wise old age quotes.
Inspirational Happy Birthday Sayings and Funny Age
Quotes for That Special Birthday Toast, Card or Gift
Birthday Phrases, Greetings and Messages
Funny Birthday Phrases: Lots of funny birthday phrases &
quotes, plus the history of birthday cards.
Funny Birthday Greetings: and Happy Birthday Messages
for your Birthday Speech or Birthday Card!
Happy Birthday Messages and Happy Birthday Sayings: An
Update on the Old Perception of Age
Birthday Poems
Lots of Inspirational Birthday Poems and Short Birthday
Poems for all Ages: Ideal for Birthday Cards, Speeches and
Toasts.
Thank You Quotes
Famous Thank You Quotes,, Thank You Sayings and Wonderful
Gratitude Quotes
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